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"You Just Go and Put Coconut Milk on Your Cereal with Keith Richards"

My distaste for these stems from the fact that they can be used for anything without any legitimate humour,

but that can also make them irresistible at times.



I think that I was seventeen. I was on the receiving end of one of those conversations in which an authority figure derisively enumerates various real and imagined errors that are held to be characteristic of the other individual’s apparent flaws. I can credit my mother with one thing, though. In this instance, even the imagined errors seemed quite characteristic of me. It wasn’t a terribly bitter discussion. It really just seemed to be a whimsical iteration of a familiar theme. This may explain its especial accuracy.

She described several scenarios in an effort to illustrate why my affinity for uncanny action could pose potential problems. I don’t remember many of them, but they were the usual mix of memorable occurrences and reasonably credible fabrications. I remember the last one, though. I stopped her on the spot to thank her for the wondrous idea. Coconut milk on cereal. Yes.

I didn’t really understand the inclusion of Keith Richards in the hypothetical situation, but I didn’t really bother to seek logic in any part of it. The entire concept was too appealing.
I immediately put it on my list.

I had a list at the time. It was a page in my notebook. I carried around a notebook at the time. I don’t really have either of these anymore.

For some reason, this story recently came up in a bar conversation on the eve of a friend’s departure. I hadn’t actually given the idea consideration in some time. I’ve had other things on my mind. I’ll readily admit that they weren’t important things, but they were there. They take up space. Alright? My mind is one great distraction. You understand. That’s life. The world. The craze.

Instantly, the idea was met with raucous enthusiasm, and plans were made to ingest the mysterious mixture on the following day. I love Keith Richards, but I can’t afford to wait for him.

What happened on the following day?

The mixture was ingested, baby.

Let me just say that the stuff is fantastic. It did not disappoint. I used Frosted Flakes and Froot Loops with a sprinkling of Rice Krispies, and my companion inadvertently incorporated a variety of Corn Pops that contained an infusion of cinnamon. Satisfaction was found. 

Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.