To the Girl

To the girl who celebrated her birthday in the company of friends and inebriation.

There were a lot of things that were going on, and I wasn’t aware of all of them, nor did I have the wherewithal to address them in an efficient manner at the time. My ignorance of the date’s significance prevented me from giving you my regards for a happy birthday, and I just didn’t seem to have time to refute your claims of ugliness. No one should feel ugly on her birthday.

Actually, I’m going to take that right back. I believe in a healthy knowledge of one’s qualities, though one could say that I am not the greatest exemplar of self-awareness. Perhaps that shouldn’t go away on special occasions. If one is aware of an ugliness that exists within oneself, that awareness should be fairly consistent. An ugly person should definitely know that he’s ugly. But I suppose that that knowledge doesn’t always have to make itself known on an emotional level. Alright. Ugly people should probably know that they’re ugly, but they don’t have to feel ugly on their birthdays. No one does. I think that my original point is still intact.

The more important point is you, though. For that reason, you can probably ignore the last paragraph, but there are several other reasons for which that might not be ideal. The first one is the fact that it’s probably too late for that, though I suppose that I’m open to the idea of the existence of some variant of dyslexia that manifests in the tendency to automatically read alternate blocks of text. The second one is my vanity. You should totally read everything I write. It is awesome. I am fantastic.

But I believe that we were talking about you.

You are not ugly. No doubt. No equivocation. On this matter, I have no misunderstandings. I am more inclined to believe that the inverse is true. You are a beautiful entity. You are a shining monad wrought from what can only be assumed to be some variety of divine marble. I don’t know. I wasn’t there for the construction. I merely had the pleasure and luck of being there briefly on the anniversary.

Now, I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to feel ugly. On the contrary, it can often be a great pose. That’s fine. I’m just saying that your birthday is probably not the best time for it. I don’t even place a great importance on birthdays, but I do believe that self-deprecation can be neglected on these sorts of evenings. You’re the Beltane, baby.

Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.