Hot Apollo

Toronto's Shiniest Rock-and-Roll Band

Snatching Bodies From Cold, Dead Bodies

Remember the Body Snatchers? They were pretty big in 1956. And 1978. And 1993. And they might have popped up again in 2007. Their whole deal basically involved the implementation of a perfectly ordered universe through the removal of emotion. They caused problems for Earth by replacing its inhabitants with stoic substitutes that were beholden to a hive mind. The mechanism was usually a botanical pod of some sort. An admirable goal? Perhaps. But the same could be said about communism.

Anyway. I always wondered about what the Snatchers did with the people who were already emotionless. There are people who dedicate their entire lives to cold logic and exclude all else, and I’m sure that a lot of them would be able to get along with the pod people. What would happen if the pods landed in Gotham City? I’m not really thinking about the potential for their defeat at the hands of the Batman, though a case could admittedly be made for that. I’ll just assume that he’s out of town for the moment. Maybe he’s dealing with some galactic Justice League business or something. That sort of thing. I’d really just like to see the pod people meet Mr. Freeze. At his best, I think that he actually makes the whole emotionless thing work even better than they do. He’d intimidate the pods before they got a chance to turn him.

“Guys, I know that we’re here to spread implacable logic and order throughout the cosmos and all that, but this dude’s taken it to a whole other level. Dude said that he's beyond emotions. What am I even supposed to do with that? I’m not sure that I’m entirely comfortable with this Earth place. Can we just, like, leave it for now and maybe circle around back to it when we’re done with the rest of the universe? Who’s with me?”

 “Yeah, and not for nothing, but isn’t cold supposed to be bad for plants? Which is basically what we are? Like, I’m no botanist or whatever, but this Freeze guy seems to have us fucked from both sides here. Let’s, uh . . . Let’s skadoodle.”

“Yeah, on second thought, let’s not take the Earth. It is a silly place.”


Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.