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Tasty Trends

I don’t think that great taste is really a trend for anybody. Indeed, I’m fairly sure that taste is usually the only real purpose of food beyond sustenance for most people. For some, it probably even takes the top spot. There are probably a few other considerations for some individuals. I’ve heard some say that certain foods can be refreshing, but I can’t relate to that at all. What’s the point of a cool summer salad? I’m just going to throw that thing in the microwave. Food does not refresh me. Drinks do. That’s basically all they do. That’s why I haven’t even glanced at any kind of hot beverage since high school. What are they supposed to do? Are they supposed to be soothing? I don’t have time for that business.


Now, if we were talking about the emotional effects of different foods, I’d admit that some dishes have a tendency to trigger subtle responses in me, but I usually ignore those because they are wont to steal attention away from the actual taste. In my mind, concentrating on a meal’s emotional value would be like watching an old favourite movie and wallowing in the memories it brings up. That kind of thing is fine if that’s actually why you’re doing it, but otherwise it’s just a distraction.


Anyway, I doubt that people like tasty food because it’s fashionable. I don’t think that there’s some chef who’s yelling at his young apprentice to replace his fetid fare with something delicious for the stylish crowd.


“Hey! Apprentice! Put out the good stuff! The hipsters are coming!”

“But what are we going to do with all this slop we haven’t used up yet?”

“Save it for Sunday afternoon. That’s when the geriatrics come in.”

“Good call. But why do you keep calling me ‘apprentice’?”

“I don’t know. What else would I call you? Do you have a problem with it?”

“It just sounds too formal. Why don’t you call me ‘boy’? Like they did in the old days. It just sounds more classic.”

“Hm. ‘Boy, fetch the dishes!’ Actually, you’re right. That does sound better. Thanks, boy.”

“Yes, sir!”


Anyway, food isn’t really a trend. Certain aspects of cuisine may be. Gluten hate? That’ll probably pass. Greek yoghourt? That could be a fad. But I’m reasonably certain that people are still going to want to eat things that taste good long after all the quinoa has faded from sight. Even when the reign of bold white letters on bright red backgrounds has ended, there will still be a demand for edible goods that cause pleasure when they are placed in humanoid mouths. That’s not going to change. Did you think that we thought that you were going to change? Don’t worry, guys. No one suspected that you or your competitors would suddenly just start trying to make awful things. From what I understand, that’s not really a thing that people often do. Unless . . .

Wait. Is there some sort of postmodernist food conglomerate I don’t know about? I suppose that they’d probably do something like that. Great taste isn’t a trend, but bad taste could be.


Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.