Hot Apollo

Toronto's Shiniest Rock-and-Roll Band

Spaghetti Style




Alright. What is going on here? I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you, abstract personification of a theoretical reader. “Spaghetti Style”? That’s my focus. The rest of the label doesn’t exactly fit any familiar norms of elegance, but that’s Tinkyada’s prerogative.


There’s room for some linguistic chicanery in the food industry. That’s no lie. I’m accustomed to that. I understand it generally. Honesty isn’t exactly a priority, but there’s a velleity to avoid actual fraud. People don’t necessarily have to know what they’re getting, but that knowledge must be an option. That’s why you get phrases like “cheese product” on the packages of food items that can be used in situations that would ordinarily call for cheese. And let’s be clear. There are times when you want cheese, and there are times when you want cheese products. I recall times in my childhood when circumstances would delay dinner to the point where a snack seemed appropriate. I remember one of those instances from a warm summer night on which I walked to the refrigerator as my mother reminded me that supper was not exactly imminent. To this, I gave an answer of easy acceptance, happily grabbing a trio of Kraft Singles from their slick blue package.


This was not a time for cheese. I had a craving on that night, and it was one that could only be satisfied by the consumption of raw Kraft Singles. That’s the sort of scenario that benefits from a clear delineation between cheese and cheese products. My gratitude to the food industry.

But that can’t be what’s going on here. What stops these long, thin strips of pasta from qualifying as spaghetti? I could understand if there were some quibble that prevented them from calling themselves pasta, but there isn’t. That claim is made quite clearly on the label. Has the circuitous idiolect of the food industry become pervasive to the point where companies just slip into it even in situations where it isn’t actually required? I would think that additional complexity is the last thing dinner needs. I suppose that that’s just another reason for me to avoid cooking.


Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.