Worst "Star Wars" movie?
This one. But I recognise that that's scarcely more meaningful than picking one's most unpleasant orgasm. It's just not the sort of thing that can actually be bad in any real way. But you know me. My tastes. What I want.
Less war. More stars. Skywalkers and their antics mean more to me. I love that Force mysticism.
But I'm also open to the idea that this isn't a "Star Wars" movie. It's a movie that takes place in the "Star Wars" world. And what that represents excites me. I've been invested in the extended universe for two decades, and if it has one attribute that could exceed its levels of quality in breadth, it's diversity. And now there are going to be films that evince that same ability to hop around the gamut in tone and plot. It might not have been the spinoff I'd have picked to start, but that's another personal thing. It is in fact a start, and that's something I would have appreciated even if I didn't like anything else about it.
I heard a bunch of people say that Gael Garcia Bernal was Cassian, and I was on the verge of believing it despite some reservations. But then I did a modicum of research and discovered that he was actually Gael Garcia Bernal's friend.
My main association with Gael comes from the fact that he helped to anchor me during the depths of my one lysergide trip in high school. This was in large part because my friends insisted on watching him in "The Science of Sleep" at the beginning. Throughout the night, I kept calling him "that French dude". The movie took place in France. The character actually wasn't, but I couldn't quite grasp that. My other anchor was Robert Plant, and I kept replacing his name with Roger Daltrey's.
I also seem to recall thinking at one point that "Rogue One" would be more of a caper movie instead of a straighter war film. "Ocean's Eleven" over "Black Hawk Down". I mean . . . If you're not going to use the John Williams score, just throw in some "Green Onions".
That first Vader scene. Floating in the tank with no limbs? That's how I feel before I've had a chance to wake up in the morning. I'm just hanging there in a haze with no control. Then I get up and walk into the world, looking all shiny and majestic. Force chokes generally don't play a huge role, but I take the day as it comes.
That quip? That's another grand Vader bit for me. Because why? Or why not? There is no "why". That's just some straight James Bond style right there. A sardonic little pun to some dude you've just knocked out. I was almost expecting him to straighten his tie at the end.