Back to the Past with Gerard Butler

My brother was telling me that he’d recently watched a great romantic comedy with Gerard Butler, which intrigued me because he generally delves into that genre far less than I do. He told me the name of it, and I asked if that was the one where the poster has a woman with a chocolate box and Gerard Butler with a chocolate box over his crotch. He said that wasn’t it, and then I got to wondering what the name of that movie was. I looked it up and discovered it was “The Ugly Truth”, but then I looked further down the man’s filmography and found some captivating stuff. Like this movie called “Timeline” that was meant to be a vehicle for Paul Walker in the immediate wake of the first Fast and the Furious movie. It’s about an archaeological team that goes back to medieval France on a quest to rescue their professor. How could I turn that down? Even my brother couldn’t. Worthwhile watch.

Bonus Question!

Best medieval time travel film with French stuff?

“Just Visiting” with Jean Reno, which was apparently a remake of a French film Jean Reno did a few years earlier.

COVID: The Movie!

This whole pandemic situation is feeling like an interesting movie that’s just too long for my liking. I want to see what happens, but I also really want to get out of here soon.

Things are going to happen after this! The world will be different! How? In what way? How will those differences feel? To different people? In different areas? Handshakes might be gone, but a lot of places never did that anyway. And which changes will last? Which ones will go the way of “Freedom Fries”?

There’s a lot to be curious about, and there’s also a lot of normal stuff to get back to besides.

But it already feels too long, and the world might run out of popcorn.

Bonus Question!

Best popcorn flavour?

Butter and salt, baby.

That Other Thing You Did

Hearing about the coronavirus death of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger was weird for me.

The day began for me by listening to a podcast from earlier in the week. That episode happened to mention that he’d just been confirmed to be sick with the virus. Within a few hours of listening to that, I heard elsewhere that the disease had just claimed him. Not a lot of lead time for me.

Anyway, I learned that he was actually the dude who wrote the title song for “That Thing You Do!”, which was the one hit the fictional band in the movie was known for. That movie, starring fellow COVID sufferer Tom Hanks, was made in the 90s, the decade before Adam’s own band became, in the minds of many, a one-hit wonder with “Stacy’s Mom”. Personally, I preferred “1985”, but that’s basically where my knowledge of them ends.

Although they also did the music for and camoed in that MTV cartoon about an intern at MTV that was written by an MTV intern with the same name. I think his name was Greg? It was definitely a part of the title.

Bonus Question!

Best one-hit wonder?

I legitimately love Smash Mouth even beyond “All Star”. I think they qualify, though some might say “Walking on the Sun” was big enough to disqualify them. Anyway, that still seems like a fair answer.

There and Back and Eragain

Does that work as a pun tenuously connected to fellow fantasy franchise The Hobbit?

Anyway, the next movie I watched during Corona Closure, or Cinemapocalypse, was “Eragon”, which my brother probably only agreed to because he remembered reading the book in childhood and gave in to his sense of nostalgia.

Remember how I talked about “Troy”? The deuteragonist in this movie was also in “Troy”. He was also the lead in that awesome TRON sequel where Daft Punk do the soundtrack and play program versions of themselves in a club run by a program version of David Bowie.

Man, I love that movie.

Also, “TRON” is really close to “Troy”.

Which I don’t love.

But I love that TRON movie.

“Eragon” was good too.

Bonus Question!

Best version of David Bowie?

Lucifer in The Wicked and the Divine. It’s not even the first Lucifer to be modelled on Bowie, but it’s my preferred one.

Oddly, one of the other deities in the story was changed from Bast to nigh identical Egyptian cat god Sekhmet because the author thought Bast was too tied to Neil Gaiman in the public consciousness, but Gaiman was also the guy who made Lucifer into David Bowie in the same series.

So.

Shot Through the Blood

Hey! This week actually saw an interruption in my recent weekly trips to random movies of the past couple of decades because actual new theatre content is now coming to home video.

To start? I went with the next movie I was probably going to see before the COVID closures, “Bloodshot”. I’ve read some of the various comic series from Valiant since it got rebooted at some point within the last 10 years, but since their output was more peripheral to my comic book diet, I really just picked the ones that jumped out at me, and the transhuman cyborg character of Bloodshot wasn’t one of those. Talk about Ivar Timewalker, who’s like an even less responsible and possibly more flamboyant version of the Doctor? Yeah. I was up for that. Quantum and Woody? Another pair of siblings at opposite ends of the maturity spectrum? I checked it out. And then there was that alternate universe miniseries where all of the company’s characters were high school students. Ooh! And Manowar! Viking with power armour! Hekk yeah!

But anyway. This was a movie, and I see a bunch of those. One a week at least to be more specific. And Vin Diesel basically guarantees my presence. That’s not because I’m a committed Diesel fan. A Fan Diesel? But the films he features in do tend to be the ones that align fairly well with my tastes. Remember “The Last Witch Hunter” or whatever that was? I don’t. But I know I liked it.

And this “Bloodshot”? I liked that too.

Bonus Question!

Best witch hunter?

Gaby Van!

Fatigue Fatigue

Superhero movies.

Among other things, this last year saw the finale to a storyline that began 11 years ago with the film that cemented the current cinematic superhero zeitgeist. “Iron Man” to “Endgame” and all the stuff that’s run alongside that stuff. And for something like half of that time period, people have been talking about the idea of “superhero fatigue”.

But does anyone else feel something closer to fatigue fatigue? Like . . . I could really live without hearing people whine about stuff they have no interest in. There are all kinds of things I don’t care about. I prefer to talk about the things I like. This blog should evince that quite well. I’ve never seen the point of arguing for the death of anything. Especially in this post-monoculture world where the mainstream’s been divided into innumerable tributaries that cater to all sorts of diverse tastes. Am I biased because I love the whole superhero mythos? Not really. I remember when those Hunger Games movies were huge. I never watched a single one, but it was still annoying to hear aspiring intellectuals dismiss them with lazy comparisons to “Battle Royale”. It was especially bad because most of them didn’t actually seem to know anything about “Battle Royale” beyond the fact that its basic plot was similar to that of the Hunger Games. It was just a reprise of all of those people that accused Rowling of copying Hogwarts from whatever magical school was foremost in their minds without any consideration for the possibility that broad ideas like child soldiery or mystic academia can be independently created and executed in myriads of equally valid directions.

I could also deal without people who drone on about constant adaptations and remakes. Like, dude. “Gone With the Wind” is one of the most deified movies of the golden age of cinema or whatever, and it was based on a book. Execution’s the only thing that matters. If someone has a take on something, they should be allowed to spin it out. Same with sequels. If people like a thing, let them have more of it. Especially since “Empire” is the Star Wars film that gets the most praise. No “Empire” in a world without sequels. And the good stuff’s always going to be worth letting the bad stuff pass through. Filtration’s futile.

But yeah. It’s much easier and more satisfying to concentrate on the things you love and leave everything else for the people who do love it. It’s really not that hard.

Bonus Question!

Best sequel?

“Rush Hour 2” is the one that sticks out in my mind because it came out during a formative time in my life and it actually has a 2 in the title.

B

Sinbad, No Cinema

Since the movie theatres have closed down, I've begun replacing my weekly cinema trip with the sort of movie that'd fit in now but got missed because when it came out I wasn't religiously going to a film a week.

I started with an animated Sinbad feature with Brad Pitt in the lead role. Had I heard about this before? Probably. But I definitely forgot.

It served well though. I think it was part of that weakening wave of traditionally animated movies to come out right before the big studious switched entirely to computer generation for the rest of the decade, which let it fall through more cracks than it otherwise might have. Didn't this come out right around "Troy"? Traditionally, I might prefer Achilles, and  Brad Pitt slayed both roles, but his Sinbad movie gave me more of what I want out of historical adventure story. Which includes less pretension about supposedly being historical and more mythic adventure. Balls to an Achilles who's immortal because of luck or whatever! Give me that River Styx coating! Show me a war caused by a petty contest among a few divine sisters! 

And hells! You can even give Sean Bean his own Odyssey spinoff since he managed to avoid dying for a change.

Anyway. That Sinbad cartoon. See it. I can't remember the full title.

Bonus Question!

Best Pitt role?

Maybe the dude in “Megamind”? He was a dude who just wanted to practice his art outside of the spotlight, which fits with Pitt’s whole thing of a dude in a leading man body who’d love to be a character actor.

Bro-nward

I’ve got to say. I’m often up for a weird road movie, and “Onward” clinched it by also being about two brothers, including a daydreaming man-child and a responsible one with a more reasonable outlook on life. I relate to that dynamic. And they’re elves. I also relate to that.

And the spirit of their father lingers in their hearts to inspire them in different ways.

Honestly, the one part I might relate to less is the driving. It’s been a while since I’ve taken up that responsibility.

But still! Awesome movie. One of my favourite cartoons in a while.

Bonus Question!

Best elf brothers?

The Stormrages.

A Review of Sonic

It's at this time of year when I reaffirm my craving for an actual Leap Dave Williams film, but at least this February saw Jim Carrey be hilarious in a big movie again. It's been too long. The last Jim Carrey movie I remember seeing in theatres was "The Number 23", which also came out in February, but beyond its emphasis on  a particular number, it had nothing else in common with "Leap Dave Williams". Despite my lifelong love for Jim, I had no designs on seeing it, but I was dragged over by some friends. And I might have been on mushrooms. It was  a bad time.

But you know what wouldn't be? "Leap Dave Williams".

And you know what wasn't? "Sonic the Hedgehog".

Bonus Question!

Favourite number?

Midnight.

Fast or Fantasy

I had to decide between two movies to see recently. Which to see first. The obvious choice would have been “Sonic the Hedgehog”, since I’m always up for a silly adventure like that. The fact that Jim Carrey became my first favourite actor after I saw “The Mask” at day camp when I was 3 or 4 is just a bonus on top of everything else that guaranteed I’d see that movie. However, I became increscently intrigued by “Fantasy Island”. Old television shows have been rebooted into new movies for ages, and they’ve switched tone and genre before. But I can’t recall any example wherein an old comedic series became a modern horror. And that very thing, which so piqued my curiosity, combined with the surprising financial success of “Sonic”, made me think that “Fantasy Island” would have a tenure in theatres far outmatched by the furry blue dude, and I hit up “Fantasy Island” first.

And then I realized Ryan Hansen was in it, and that dude resonates in everything I see him in.

So yeah. A good time.

Bonus Question!

Best furry blue dude?

The Scott Pilgrim of Superhero Movies

Just saw "Birds of Prey". Of course, it was a fun one, displaying great character work, a frenetic pace, a soundtrack with intent, and epic costumery, but the best part for me was the fact that it's another movie featuring Ewan McGregor alongside someone's diverting rendition of "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend". If "Moulin Rouge!" taught us anything, it's the potency of that combination. And love. It also taught us love.

Bonus Question!

Best diamond?

Emma Frost.

Too Legal

So. I just heard that a new Legally Blonde movie is coming out in a few months, and since I have relatively fond memories of seeing the first one in elementary school, I thought I’d prepare by seeing the second one, which I missed for whatever reason.

But when I started watching it, it began to seem very familiar, and increscent recollections of an earlier viewing started to trickle in. I now believe that I went to see it with my cousins during a family vacation to Prince Edward Island 17 years ago.

Anyway, now I’m doubly prepared.

Bonus Question!

Favourite lawyer?

Daredevil. Maybe not best lawyer though. Dude doesn’t always prioritize that job.

Dr. Dolittle and Little Dragons

You know what? The only possible negative that came to my head when I heard Robert Downey Jr. was starrring in a Dr. Dolittle movie was the absence of the Chris Rock hamster. Obviously, Eddie Murphy's always fun to watch, but Downey feels like  a fair trade. But what would fill the void of Rodney the rodent? Besides gorgeous periodicity?

A dragon. The answer turned out to be a dragon.

Bonus Question!

While I'm talking about dragons, remade Eddie Murphy vehicles, and absent animal sidekicks, the loss of  Mushu from the new Mulan movie is probably what'll clinch my decision to skip it.

Uncut Sandler

Everyone’s astonished at the dramatic quality of Adam Sandler’s “Uncut Gems”, but his acting ability is not a new revelation. He seems to sprinkle in this kind of thing among his more characteristic works from time to time, and they’re generally well delivered. It almost seems like the reverse of that thing where actors do big blockbusters in order to finance their smaller, more independent works. It’s as though Sandler does these quiet drama pieces just frequently enough to keep himself at a level of relevance that can justify the big dumb comedies he loves making with his friends. Which I support too. I don’t actually love all of them, but it’s easy to tell that he’s having a great time with his buddies in the making of them, and I can respect that.

Best gem?

One of the Infinity ones. Probably Power.

Needs More Play

So. If you were wondering about "The Playmobil Movie", I saw it. I had to rush because it somehow got cut to two showings in the one theater in most of the city after its first week. But I liked it! And this is coming from the guy who wasn't actually that excited about "The LEGO Movie". Which this wasn't actually that similar to? This was closer to classic Jumanji, which always captivates me. Yes! Hapless youths get sucked into a fictional dimension! That's my kind of party! 

Also, Adam Lambert finally gets his time to shine as a cartoon voice after a decade? And Harry Potter's James Bond. Like . . . Come on. Much to love.

Bonus Question!

Favourite story where hapless youths get sucked into a fictional dimension?

Well, it's not actually my favourite, and I don't think I've ever even experienced it firsthand, but if they remade the original Dungeons & Dragons cartoon with modern sensibilities, I'd be there on day one.

The Heavyside Lair is Basically Cathalla

It's been around a decade since I became enamoured with Cats. I watched that officially recorded video of the stage show from the 90s and bought the soundtrack, which I still listen to. When I was 20, I did my final night of trick-or-treating as Rum Tum Tugger, which was followed by a night on the town that saw me walk into a bar for the lavatory and win their costume contest withouth actually entering it.

Anyway, I was primed for the movie version, and it triumphed. It really filled out the source material in wildly fantastical ways, and it clearly showed the wonders achievable by adapting stage musicals. I've long thought that more productions could be given that treatment. "Hamilton" is an obvious choice for sheer popularity, and I'd be intrigued at the prospect of a cinematic "Wicked". 

Basically, "moar plz."

Bonus Question!

Best cinematic musical?

"Moulin Rouge!"

Clone Zone

My mother had never seen the last two Star Wars prequels, and before "Rise of Skywalker", she finally decided to open the box set I'd given her several Christmases ago. In watching "Attack of the Clones" with her, which is still my favourite Star Wars film of all, I did admit that some of the special effects are somewhat shaky in comparison to what's around now. That shouldn't surprise anyone, and it certainly doesn't bother me, but it might actually add an extra layer of characteristic charm to the movies. George Lucas orignally made the franchise in imitation of those quanit old adventure films that had captured his imagination in his youth, and the visual quality of those did not age impeccably. Though the degree in Star Wars is lesser, seems fitting for his movies to be similarly identifiable with a particular era in cinema through their aged appearance.

Bonus Question!

Best clone?

Ben Reilly jumps to mind.

Christmas Twist

So. I went into "Last Christmas" with no knowledge and the general desire to see a festive romantic comedy. That happened. But you know what I got for seeing a Christmas movie that was released right after Halloween? That's right! A spooky twist!

Spoilers? Sure. I'm talking to myself here.

It's one of those "They've been dead for 15 years!" things.

Except it’s really just one year. There's a reason for it.

Also, the entire soundtrack is George Michael for some reason, but I was probably the last person to learn that.

Bonus Question!

Favourite George Michael song?

Black Scorpion

So. Dwayne Johnson finally gave an official announcement about his Black Adam movie. And that’s great. The last two big DC superhero movies, “Aquaman” and “Shazam”, were my favourites of the franchise, and this looks to be a bit of a mix of both. Big, classic adventure from the former and shiny magic from the latter.

But really, the mystic desert action its premise implies makes me hopeful for it to be the Scorpion King sequel we never got. Or the one we didn’t get The Rock in. That movie definitely had sequels. And all of them disappeared into the void without even scraping Dwayne.

So. This should be epic.

Bonus Question!

Best Scorpion?

Wingy Queens

So. I have watched all of "Game of Thrones", but I didn't care enough to pay real attention to the details about all the criticisms of its final season. But I did just see the new Maleficent movie.

And I've got to say, if your main complaint was in the fact that Daenerys was a queen who hung around with fantastical winged beasts instead of a queen who actually was a fantastical winged beast, I think "Maleficent: Mistress of Evil" could wash away those Westeros woes.

It also has the actor who played the less bland version of Daario, and he's probably going to have a thing with the wingy queen lady in this too.

Bonus Question!

Best fantastical winged beast?

I've always felt an affinity for the phoenix.

I mean, yeah. There's the whole thing of always getting back up. But also they're shiny, flighty things, and I feel that deep.