Taste Some Truth

 

Damn it, Vitaminwater! I can't trust you when you do nonsense like this! Why must people always go and break the scales that they set for themselves? It only serves to make whatever point they're trying to prove seem immediately untrustworthy. 

Just come out and say what you mean, Vitaminwater! Be a man! 

Oh, I know that arguments could be made against me here.

"Oh, but Jaymes!" they'll say. "It's easy for you to be a man, for you already are one, whereas Vitaminwater is really more of a fortified aqueous solution. Check your privilege!"

Well, I can say that my privilege has been thoroughly checked, but the lack of testosterone, genitals, and corporeal form can do nothing to excuse base cowardice of the type so audaciously displayed here by Vitaminwater's craven chicanery. 

Look, Vitaminwater. I'm going to be honest with you here. Honesty is something I can do. I am by nature a weaver of truth. 

Incidentally, I know that truth doesn't really have to be woven, but I just prefer it to the unwoven kind.

Anyway!

Honesty time. Truth hour. Moment of perspicacity. 

Vitaminwater, you must understand that I'm not criticising you for arrogance or anything of the sort. Vanity is my virtue. I know that confidence can be a healthy thing in massive doses. But you've really got to learn to take it to the top, Vitaminwater. Don't hide behind false scales. You're whispering, Vitaminwater. You need to shout. If you're really sure of yourself, be direct about it. 

"Hey! Our drink tastes like eleventy billion, you bastards! Drink the fuck up!"

Is that so hard?

Damn.

Copyright © 2011, Jaymes Buckman and David Aaron Cohen. All rights reserved. In a good way.