Hot Cole, Warm Luke

I don't think that I've ever seen anyone look more like a Fiona Staples drawing than Luke Perry does in this picture. In fairness, there's an infinitesimal possibility that my eyes have been subtly affected by reading "Saga" in the last 24 hours. I doubt it, though. 

But still. 

That has to bode well for the "Riverdale" show, doesn't it? Old Fiona definitely helped start Archie's new comic out on the right foot. 

There are probably people for whom the experience of seeing Luke Perry on television again is akin to what I might get from seeing Cole Sprouse. "Suite Life" saw me through some weird times in the previous decade. Maybe it played into them? I don't know. That was mostly when I actually watched what was on. Can you imagine? Although I do remember making some sort of effort to seek out episodes of the cruise ship spinoff on YouTube after being away from the Suitiverse for a while. For closure or something? Whatever. I haven't seen that dude in years. I was sitting in a cafe a week ago when my friend told me that Zack was playing Jughead. My first reaction was "Are you sure?" I'd seen a picture of him from the show at that point, and my mind did not connect the face to that guy. Within a few moments of her claim, I was somewhat open to the idea that he could have been Cody. But no. He is Cole-Zack Sprouse. And I was surprised. In the direction of pleasantness.

Bonus Question!

Best new hyphenated name?

Cole-Zack! Move over, Billy-Bob!

Ban! Ban! Superman!

Hearing about Mark Zuckerberg's attack on Trump over the refugee ban  on the weekend was like watching a battle between Jesse Eisenberg from "The Social Network" and Jesse Eisenberg from "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice". But this probably isn't the dawn. Maybe it's closer to the dark part right before the dawn that people are always talking about. 

Of justice.

Actually, do you remember when Lex Luthor was president?

It wasn't the Jesse Eisenberg version, and I wasn't really reading DC at the time, but I'm pretty sure that the only immigrant he would have banned was Superman. And that was mainly because he was jealous of his crazy alien powers. Does Trump think that Muslims have crazy alien powers? They've literally been living under Earth's yellow sun for this entire time. You'd think that someone would have noticed. 

Unless wide swathes of Mesopotamia have been affected by some sort of massive red sun radiation generator?

Ooh. Maybe Samson's hair wasn't the source of his power. Maybe it just shielded him from the red sun field.

Bonus Question!

Where did ancient Mesopotamians get a red sun radiation generator?

Exactly!

Pussy Belcher

Over the weekend, I was vaguely wondering why some of my aged neighbours were cosplaying as Louise Belcher.

Just realised that it was actually the Pussyhat Project. Honestly, I think that both reasons would be worth supporting.

Bonus Question! 

How are you not Travolta right now? 

Vlad Jelly

Watching the new Dirk Gently show. It’s odd. Odd in ways besides the kinds you’d expect from a Douglas Adams property. The titular character feels right. His voice is what you’d expect from old Doug’s original creation. He’s noticeably slimmer than the dude from the book, but that was also the case with the BBC version I vaguely remember from a previous year. That curly guy from “Episodes”. I always want to call him Stephen Moffat, but that’s a different Stephen.

But it feels as though this Dirk has been transported to a different world. And I don’t mean that in a diegetic sense. Dimensional transportation would not be surprising in an Adams derivative. It really just feels as though Dirk has wandered on to the set of some other show. When I first saw Elijah Wood on this, I thought, “Oh. I don’t think that I’ve seen him in anything since that dog show.” And it actually feels like that. It feels like “Wilfred”, but the dog’s been switched out for a holistic detective and a heightened degree of weird happenings.

But then there's the comic that Arvind Ethan David created. He also helped on the show and made a stage version that Adams apparently enjoyed. Though the comic began before the show, thus bearing no inherent relation beyond shared provenance, its newest storyline posits that the show is another universe, and the comic's characters are starting to interact with it. It doesn't actually make the television series feel more like its source in itself, but it does draw some disparate aspects of the entire franchise closer together and fulls it out thereby. One might even say that it gives another dimension to the show. I probably won't, though. But I will say that this touch of unexpected concordance is not inappropriate for a story with titular ties to holism.

Bonus Question? 

What is that hair actually supposed to be?

Not quite sure.

Roguefellas

Bonus Question!

Worst "Star Wars" movie?

This one. But I recognise that that's scarcely more meaningful than picking one's most unpleasant orgasm. It's just not the sort of thing that can actually be bad in any real way. But you know me. My tastes. What I want.

Less war. More stars. Skywalkers and their antics mean more to me. I love that Force mysticism. 

But I'm also open to the idea that this isn't a "Star Wars" movie. It's a movie that takes place in the "Star Wars" world. And what that represents excites me. I've been invested in the extended universe for two decades, and if it has one attribute that could exceed its levels of quality in breadth, it's diversity. And now there are going to be films that evince that same ability to hop around the gamut in tone and plot. It might not have been the spinoff I'd have picked to start, but that's another personal thing. It is in fact a start, and that's something I would have appreciated even if I didn't like anything else about it.

I heard a bunch of people say that Gael Garcia Bernal was Cassian, and I was on the verge of believing it despite some reservations. But then I did a modicum of research and discovered that he was actually Gael Garcia Bernal's friend. 

My main association with Gael comes from the fact that he helped to anchor me during the depths of my one lysergide trip in high school. This was in large part because my friends insisted on watching him in "The Science of Sleep" at the beginning. Throughout the night, I kept calling him "that French dude". The movie took place in France. The character actually wasn't, but I couldn't quite grasp that. My other anchor was Robert Plant, and I kept replacing his name with Roger Daltrey's.

I also seem to recall thinking at one point that "Rogue One" would be more of a caper movie instead of a straighter war film. "Ocean's Eleven" over "Black Hawk Down". I mean . . . If you're not going to use the John Williams score, just throw in some "Green Onions".

Bonus Question!

Favourite moment?

That first Vader scene. Floating in the tank with no limbs? That's how I feel before I've had a chance to wake up in the morning. I'm just hanging there in a haze with no control. Then I get up and walk into the world, looking all shiny and majestic. Force chokes generally don't play a huge role, but I take the day as it comes. 

Also.

That quip? That's another grand Vader bit for me. Because why? Or why not? There is no "why". That's just some straight James Bond style right there. A sardonic little pun to some dude you've just knocked out. I was almost expecting him to straighten his tie at the end. 

Delayed Validation

I first saw Jamie Campbell Bower in "Sweeney Todd". However, I arrived late to that movie for some reason. When I walked in to the cinema, he was singing "Joanna", and I was without context. I thought he might have been a younger version of Todd in a flashback to the barber's first meeting with his wife or something. This did not turn out to be the case. He was a friend of Depp's character instead of an earlier incarnation.

But I just saw  Depp in "Fantastic Beasts", and now he's playing an older version of a character first brought to screen by Jamie Bower. It took eight years and a completely separate universe, but my poorly informed guess from that initial viewing of "The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" turned out to be right.

Bonus Question!

Pretty women?

Pretty Women!

Back to There Again

It's the time of year for thinking about Peter Jackson movies. The guy had two separate holiday reigns from Middle-earth before the "Star Wars" franchise stepped up. All of them had charm, but I was just thinking about the latter trilogy. In a lot of ways, "The Hobbit" is a story about homesickness. Bilbo even calls his account of the events "There and Back Again", admitting that thoughts of home never left his mind even as he grew to accept the idea that it did not need to constitute the entirety of his existence. But the production of the movie and its reception combine to display the dangers implied by the old adage against trying to go home again. It endeavoured to remix the magic that its sequels rapped the masses with in the previous decade, striving to hit the biggest notes in a way that wasn't primarily occupied with serving the tale. To the point of including Legolas and his elevated elven antics for no real reason. 

Beyond my enjoyment. Because honestly. I can talk about the ways in which it misstepped in its attempts to captivate everyone again, but I enjoyed everything. This is the guy for whom last Christmas's "The Force Awakens" is the best "Star Wars" movie behind "Attack of the Clones". And you know what? Bilbo did go home again. He was changed, and some people treated him differently when he came back, but he never stopped having a good time. And everyone still went to his party.

Bonus Question!

Third best?

"Return of the Jedi".

Digging It

I'm not going to say that "Iron Man 3" is my favourite Christmas movie. It's facing some really stiff competition from "The Muppet Christmas Carol" and "The Santa Clause". I suppose that I can give ot third place behind those two. It's even numerically appropriate. But as it is a Christmas film, its theme song must perforce count as a carol. Thus, "Can You Dig It" is indeed my new favourite Christmas carol.

Bonus Question!

Well? Can you?

Obviously.

Mystic Hands of Kung Fu

Thinking more about Doctor Strange.

He's finally on screen in a real big way, and that's splendid. He may not be making many grandiloquent declamations in that classical Vincent Price style from some of his earlier appearances on the page, but he's not doing much of that in the comics at the moment either. He's more casual now. And that makes sense. The dude was a doctor. He was an arrogant dastard, but I don't really imagine that he walked in to the surgery with lines like "By the olden oaths of Hippocrates, I abjure thee, cancer!" He already suffered a bit of ostracism for his vanity. If he'd indulged in those sorts of theatrics at work, it would've made it far more difficult for him to achieve the level of success he did before the accident. Then why did he start talking like that when he gained mastery of the mystic arts? Well, he was coming off the loss of the majestic dexterity that had enabled his career and fortune in addition to defining much of his self-image and propping up his enormous ego. 

All of that was taken away. He might have found a new path in life, but I'd imagine that he was still dealing with some massive insecurity. Leaning into some caricatural concept of mysticism with those dramatic cadences probably functioned as some sort of coping mechanism. 

But that was a while ago. In comic book time, we're talking about something in the neighbourhood of a decade. He's more comfortable in himself now. He's embraced his position in the magical world. Who needs to be some superior surgeon when you're the Sorcerer Supreme?

He doesn't need to cling to those exaggerated archaisms anymore. He's securer now.

He probably still indulges when he's in the mood, though.

Bonus Question!

Best hand?

Thing.

Thing T. Thing.

Rule of Law

I saw "Rules Don't Apply". It was long. I don't think that I've ever been later to a movie. And I'm late to a lot of movies. But it still felt like a meaty experience. 

It had a slightly farcical whimsy that seemed fitting, for that's the sort of quality I liked in Howard Hughes. The only other film I've seen with an explicit focus on the man was "The Aviator", and the greatest levity in that was mainly centred in that one scene wherein Jude Law gave a lovely turn as Errol Flynn. Which was of course awesome. Good movie. Different movie. This one just emphasised more of what I'd seek about the subject matter. Also. That one scene with Warren Beatty's teary eyes in the dark? Such pathos! They should call him Warren Beady! Am I right? Who knows? But I'm not sorry.

Bonus Question!

Kevin versus Rider! Battle of Flynns!

Well, one's a digital Jedi Lebowski, and the other's a roving rascal. With a sardonic horse. It's a pretty even match. It really comes down to the facial hair, and I personally prefer Flynn Rider's subtler goatee over Kev Flynn's bushier beard. 

On a Mountain Range

I saw "Doctor Strange".

The opening to the first "Iron Man" prominently featured  prosperity and humour. "Ant-Man", a structurally similar film, focused on the latter and skewed far from the former. The path of its protagonist matched that of Tony Stark, but the actual character lacked that wealth. The surgeon Strange had a fair bit of that in the beginning of his new movie, but the trade for that seemed to be the levity of the other two films. Like . . . "Iron Man" was the father, and it only gave one of those two attributes to each son. But then Stephen lost his success. He turned into a bigger loser than Scott Lang. Then he finally got to be funny. But man, that prelude had to be the darkest of Marvel's whole screen saga.

Then it goes into the classic mystical journey of self-actualisation. The tempering of Stephen's arrogance amidst a monastic setting called to mind Anakin Skywalker. Remember that other movie he was in? "Awake"? This had a scene like that too. It was less equivocal about the astral communication, though. And then that guy was in another film around the same time. "Jumper"? It wasn't too much like that. Aside from all the teleportation. And Mordo's probably going to start hunting down all the special people like Samuel L. Jackson in that movie. Nick Fury probably won't be too happy about that.

Oh! And they kept the classic Dormammu face stripes! Yay! Face stripes!

Bonus Question!

Stephen Vincent Strange versus Karl Amadeus Mordo in a battle of most applicable middle names!

The good doctor proudly ostentates the style of his namesake Price. In the comics at least, Karl's trajectory  hews closer to that of the narrator 

of the movie "Amadeus". Spoiler! It's not Amadeus.

"But it wasn't Strange laughing at me. It was god!"

"Uh . . . Which one?"

"Ehh. Dormammu?"

 

Fast Ships

Some affair between Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher on the set of "A New Hope" just came to light, which seems almost like a redundant confirmation. Maybe it feels like that to me because I was introduced to "Star Wars" before I was fully cognisant of the exact lines between actor and character. I didn't even realise that he had a wife at the time to cheat on. But what interests me is the fact that this revelation occurred in the year after the new "Star Wars" comics, written by someone who wasn't even born when the first movie was released, introduced Sana Starros, who married Han before the films in the galactic equivalent of a Vegas wedding. But he apparently forgot to divorce her before he joined the Rebellion and started pulling moves with Leia. It was an affair between the characters before anyone knew it was one between their portrayers. Art imitates life? Life imitates art? Art and life sit around and fondle each other in blindfolds?

Bonus Question!

Best secret "Star Wars" lover?

Well, I did like the Anakin-Padme elopement with robot witnesses, but I've got to give it to Obi-Wan's girlfriend Satine from "The Clone Wars" for simultaneously being a delightful "Moulin Rouge!" reference and getting an earnest fellow like Kenobi to consider leaving his entire Jedi life for her. But honestly, it's mostly the "Moulin Rouge!" thing.

Time Flies Like a Falcon or Not at All

Man! That movie. "Miss Peculiar's Home". That one. All the odd charm of one of the weirder X-Men spinoff books. And the Second World War! Like . . . If Eva Green's falcon lady is the Professor X of this situation, Sam L. is like a Mister Sinister who's understudying for Magneto for some reason. 

And the love element was interesting. You know that whole manic pixie thing that pervades a lot of modern cinematic romance? The girl's this flighty little sprite who invigorates the listless male protagonist, giving him purpose by making him her anchor to the world. I liked how this film literalised that dynamic while it eschewed the actual archetypes that would otherwise form it. The female here is physically lighter than air, and she allows the main boy to hold the tether that prevents her from floating off into sky. But apart from that, she's a fairly prim, serious individual. Her casting sheet would not have called for a young Zooey Deschanel type. Although an avian Zooey actually seems quite easy to imagine. Maybe she's off in America, running a peculiar home there. 

Bonus Question!

What do you call a fat peregrine's belly?

Falcon Paunch!

Sole Troll

The back log of interesting movies for me evaporated in this fallow part of the season, which prompted me to see "Trolls" on its opening weekend instead of waiting. I wondered if this would result in a rare packed theatre for me, but it turned out to be entirely empty. But earlier in the day, I heard someone whistle "In the Hall of the Mountain King", which appeared in the movie. Maybe he saw an earlier showing?

It also had that Gorillaz song in it, which seemed fitting in a way, for the movie's colour palette looked quite compatible with that of the band and Jamie Hewlett's general aesthetic. That's part of what made it feel like a superior manifestation of the Smurfs franchise. Not the recent movies. No universe switching. Just fantastical villages with odd humanoids of varying heights. But all of the Smurfs had the same colour scheme. The trolls have more freedom to differ. That also helped to elevate the night elves of "Warcraft" over the Drow of "Dungeons & Dragons" in my reckoning. Neon hair and a breadth of skin tones instead of homogenous monochrome.

"Trolls" also featured Zooey Deschanel in a role that has to be the most significant deviation from her standard eccentric archetype by a gargantuan margin. For one thing, in a film dominated by adorable little creatures that are somewhat akin to actual pixies, this girl, who's done more than anyone in modern cinema to codify the term "manic pixie dream girl", isn't even voicing one. She's playing one of the big grey giants. Those are probably closer to classical folkloric trolls in the minds of many, but that's a species that varies more than most across mythical systems. Beyond that, she's more of a dour duckling type in this. Maybe Zooey had to be different here because Anna Kendrick's the lead. Otherwise there might have been redundancy.

Also. "Strange Magic". It felt like that, but I didn't get to see that in theatres. It had one of the shortest runs I've noticed for a movie of any reasonable stature. It seemed to disappear within a fortnight. Maybe there were some lingering afternoon showings, but I can't be holding with any of those, and I'm not even sure that they happened. But come on! George Lucas! "A Midsummer Night's Dream"! With pop music! Why? Why did it disappear so fast?

This one was brighter, though. Judging by the void in which I was seated, that might not be enough to help it avoid a similar fate, but I liked it. I never really liked the actual dolls, but that might have had more to do with the materials employed in their construction. The aesthetic's not a bad one.

Bonus Question!

Which Gorillaz song?

There are many good ones, but when it's "that one", it should be pretty clear.

November Reign

I hear people exhorting others to vote. Despite apathy. Despite distaste for the relevant candidates. Despite all sorts of factors that prevent any sentiments of actual support for either party. But that sounds to me like urging people to have sex when they're failing to find love. It's not something you can't do, but it's not going to solve the person's problem. As sex can be an expression of love, the ideal vote is a representation of an individual's support for something. To many confirmed voters, it's an action against the greater perceived evil, which is not without validity. But what are you going to get from an apathetic vote? Someone who just wants to see what'll happen? Someone who'll cast an extra vote on behalf of a friend who actually might care? These aren't really kinds of possibilities that bespeak the virtues of civic duty. That's best enacted by people who actually care, and they're already planning to vote. Even if you disagree with them, you don't have to tell them  to go out there. In November. Which means that it'll probably be cold and drear. Which is probably another excuse to avoid voting. 

Bonus Question! 

Worst Civic duty? 

Car pooling in a Honda.

Days of Future Kings

So. Details about the new Wolverine movie surfaced right after I discovered and hastily devoured Patrick Stewart's fabulous series "Blunt Talk". But I don't really play close attention to such information until the product's released. I caught sight of pictures that show Logan driving Xavier around, though, and now there's a part of me that hopes for the film to basically be a mutant version of "Blunt Talk" with Wolvie in place of the manservant. It's already pretty close. A friendship forged in the fires of war between some hirsute soldier dude and his obsessively dedicated leader?
 

And then Logan would calm him down with a bedtime reading of T.H. White's "The Once and Future King".

Incidentally, news of new "X-Men" comics broke recently too, which should do something to quell those nonsense theories about Marvel's plans to quash that line of books because of Fox stuff. Never mind the fact that Deadpool's been pushed consistently for a decade despite the same supposed issues with licensing. For instance. But anyway. I do get the feeling that the fictional Marvel company that exists within the universe of actual Marvel comics, which publishes stories based on the superheroes that exist there, probably does ignore the X-Men. Sometimes at least. You know. Because of all the hate and fear.

Bonus Question!

Best future king? Kang. Also a strong contender for a past king. He never could seem to crack the present, though. 

An Extended Eve

I take no issue with the premature proliferation of Halloween. It's akin to the spirit that's always in my heart anyway. Why would I protest?

But the one attendant pitfall I remember from childhood was the increased time I was given to consider my costume by the preponderance of sales that basically started with the school year. I'd start to gather up accesorries early, but in that protuberant period before the event, I'd have all sorts of time to change my mind. Thus, Halloween would see me in a fantastic outfit that I'd probably finished within a few days of that holy night while my house was littered with purchased components of costumes that would never manifest.

But now there's no fantasy I'd want to embody over that of Jaymes Buckman, and that's the costume I'll wear forevermore.

Bonus Question!

Halloween movie?

"The Halloween Tree". I've spoken of it before, and I wouldn't be surprised if that happens again.

Liking Some Luke

I’ve been watching “Luke Cage”. Here’s the thing with Marvel’s Netflix shows. The theme songs are really long.

They’re allowed to be. They call back to an earlier era of television introductions because they don’t have the time constraints of network broadcasts. But they are long. Thus, I start out by trying to skip past them. But then I get lazy and neglect this practice. Then the workmanship of the tunes seeps into me, and I grow fond of them. And the minutes pile up . . .

Best Marvel Netflix theme tune?

“Jessica Jones”? I don’t remember it, but it feels like the right answer. It feels true.

Reign On

A smile of timeless poise abides

As distant, disparate kin convene.

A steely wisdom subtly guides

With noble wit and vision keen.

Enthroned in grace, her pose is still,

But eyes of dauntless age disport.

The glories of her glances fill

The corners of her comely court.

The season shifts. An era ends.

That seemly soul departs the scene.

Her reign remains as she ascends

To realms that best befit a queen.

Smooth Translations

I've been reading some of Haggard's works in his Ayesha mythos, and though they are splendid, there's one indulgence that sticks out. In "She", there are some multilingual inscriptions that bear some heavy plot relevance. For some reason, he decides to write out the translation in each language, which goes on for pages, some of which don't even use the same alphabet. That sequence of blank pages in Stephanie Meyer's "New Sun" seemed slightly pompous when I read it, but at least it served as a way to convey the acute sense of nihilistic despair the narrator was experiencing. But this was just . . . Did he not think that we'd believe that the other translations existed? He had to actually transcribe them? It's just a weird move. But hey. He's a writer. Writers are allowed to make weird moves. It's something of a speciality. This one just wasn't my favourite. But I will say that it didn't actually detract from my reading experience at all. It's very easy for me to skip over foreign text. I don't play that. Living the anglophonic life, baby. That's my tongue, and I'm sticking with it.

I also saw "Bridget Jones's Baby". Colin Firth has remarkably smooth arms. Not just for a man. Not just for a man of his age. We're talking about baby buttock level. I thought that he woke up in Bridget's embrace, but I was mistaken. That was his arm.

Bonus Question!

Ayesha versus Firth! Who has smoother arms?

Considering that exquisite skin is basically one of Ayesha's superpowers, she gets the victory here. Still, Firth competed admirably.