Marauding Gods

Of all the Marauders to play the god of war, I would have first jumped to Padfoot Oldman. He's not Jim Gordon anymore. There's room for him in DC films again.

But on further consideration, this isn't exactly without precedent for David Thewlis. His Professor Lupin was a mild old gentleman who habitually transformed into a demonic force of reckless destruction. Same here. In "Wonder Woman", he's just traded in his pelage for some armour. Both are valid aesthetic choices.

Bonus Question!

Ares versus Fenris Greyback, lycanthropic Death Eater!

One's a god who's basically a werewolf on the verge of being a Nazi. The other's a werewolf who's basically a Nazi named after a god. It'd be savage, but I'd probably have to give the victory to the actual god.

Cell Shading

I had this friend in elementary school who had four prominent interests that stick out in my mind. The first was for Marvel comics, which was one I naturally shared. Another was judo, and he did his best to try to get me into it too. It was enough to get me to stop karate and try his dojo, but that was really more of a social decision, for the aspects this martial art emphasised didn't excite me that much. Grabbing specific parts of a gi felt less natural than the jabs and chops of karate.

The other two interests were for computers and "Dragon Ball", and he taught me much about both. There was some overlap in this knowledge, which notably manifested in the downloading of emulators to my computer for the primary purpose of playing old Super Nintendo "Dragon Ball Z" fighting games.

In recent years, I've made separate reconnections with the friend and the cartoon, and the latter prompted me

to look at more recent entries of the franchise on modern consoles. Aesthetically, they're unimpeachable, but the nominally fitting focus on the Z axis made the mechanics of the film feel somewhat unfocused to me in comparison to the classical style of its predecessors, which were closer in feel to "Street Fighter".

But the newly announced "FighterZ" appears to return to that venerable formula for the first time in years, and even the art evokes those games my friend illicitly downloaded to my computer around the millennium's turn. There are many video games that appeal to me on various levels, and I actually play few of them, but I've made a  note of this one. I barely touched the last "Dragon Ball" game I bought, which means that a purchase of this new one can at worst only be a lesser waste.

Bonus Question!

Right time for fighting in the street, boy?

Summer.

Doctor Depp

This past year saw the release of the first entry in a series of cinematic adaptations of a single small supplement to the Harry Potter franchise by the name of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them". Quite good. It added a tinge of "Doctor Who" flair to the mythos. And a bit of Johnny Depp, who must be near the top of a nonexistent list of American actors who could play the Doctor. Oh! And that guy from that table tennis version of "Mortal Kombat". Love that guy. He's not on the Doctor list. He just had a fun role in "Fantastic Beasts".

And now they're doing a Voldemort origin film, which isn't unwelcome either. But I must wonder. The original "Beasts" book was actually one of a pair of supplements. When will that other half be adapted? When are we getting  our "Quidditch Through the Ages" movie?

Come on. I'd be excited for that right now, and I've never really cared for sports movies. I can't even sit through "Rudy". But if you throw in some flying broomsticks and add a Snitch to the situation, you've got my attention.

Bonus Question!

Is anyone curious about the fact that J. Jonah Jameson, the Daily Bugle chief known for his legendary antipathy towards the Spider-Man, picked the newspaper name that has the word "bug" in it?

Where's Bingo?

The movie that serves as a sequel to "Unbreakable" and "Split" is  not being called "Unsplittable"? How?

I don't know. "Glass" is appropriate, but this just seems like a missed opportunity.

I flipped through the new Gorillaz album. "We Got the Power" was alright. "The Fall" didn't even have anything on that level for me. But the first shall always be among my gems, and the third gave me all sorts of lovely surprises. But their whole thing is reinvention, which doesn't always do much for peole who liked the previous invention. It's like leaving Ziggy behind for a trip to Berlin. Some people are naturally going to pine for the dead space god and ignore the dignified old dude in the understated suit.

Bonus Question!

Best split?

Banana.

Thrones of Moon and Bolt

I was reading Saladin Ahmed's new "Black Bolt" comic, and I found it to be rather eloquent. I glanced at the author's notes at the  back, and I saw that Mr Ahmed made a brief reference to a novel he'd written. He didn't name it or say anything about it. He basically just said that a novel was featured on his resume. Still, as I was open to experiencing more by the guy, I was intrigued enough to seek out some information. The novel in question turned out to be "Throne of the Crescent Moon", a sort of Mesopotamian fantasy in the thematic tradition of Fritz Lieber against a distinctly desertic backdrop. I noticed that a sequel was due in 2017, which hastened me to get a start on it before I fell behind. The gap seemed somewhat large, but apparently this was attributed to personal issues that prevented significant work on the sequel for a while. But the delay was just long enough for me to find out about the series and get in on the ground floor, and it seems reasonable to expect that subsequent entries could be released more rapidly. Total score.

And I doubt that I'd mind more comics from the dude either. I believe that "Bolt" is his first. In any medium, the guy's character work is vivid.

Bonus Question!

Best bolt?

Thunder!

A Reboot Anomaly

I've started watching a bit of "Penny Dreadful". Right now, it feels like a smurry mash of many of things I liked about "Moulin Rouge!" and the filmic version of "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". Incidentally, I've heard that the latter lacks many of the things other people liked about its comic book source. I came to the comic later, and it was particularly good in its earlier iterations, but I still think  that the movie was really made to show me most of what I wanted to see.

Oh. And the 2004 "Van Helsing" movie. This show feels like that too. Which I also liked! But again. I don't seem to be in the majority on this. I heard about plans to remake that with Tom Cruise in the lead role? Which they're also doing with "The Mummy". That just seems mildly odd to me. Usually, remakes are made with younger stars in their ascendant stages. Instead, Brendan Fraser and Hugh Jackman are being replaced by a dude who was already on top before they'd even started on the ladder. And he's never really stopped being bigger than they are. No discredit to those dudes. I love the guys. "George of the Jungle" was an early jam for me. "Journey to the Center of the Earth" was fantastic, and while its loose sequels are fine in their own rights, I wouldn't mind seeing the Bren come back like Big Vinny in the renaissant films of the "XXX" and "Fast and Furious" franchises. Just put that dude in more stuff.

But yeah. Tom Cruise. Dude has not stopped being a draw.

Bonus Question!

If they rebooted a Tom Cruise movie and put Tom Cruise back in his role, what would it be?

"Interview with a Vampire" comes instantly to mind for some reason. But also maybe "Legend"? With Jemaine Clement. Because Tim Curry's got to keep moving.

Unless maybe they make another "Wild Thornberrys" movie. I could imagine him putting in a few hours on a microphone to revisit that.

Rocky Stardust

I kept thinking about "Rocky Horror" while I was watching the new "Guardians of the Galaxy" movie. I couldn't stop imagining that the gold guys were this staid, repressive culture from which the Transylvanians exiled themselves. They immigrated to Earth because its primitive nature didn't present any impediment to their hedonism. The gold dudes also make Adam Warlock at the end, and he's almost like a cosmic Rocky. With a touch of Ziggy Stardust. Rocky Stardust. Anyway, that's where my head went. Following from that, the Ravagers looked like regular attendees of the "Rocky Horror" stage show. Is that still a thing? Of course. Why wouldn't it be?

I remember being shown "Starman" by my mother as a young child. "Guardians" prompted her to reminisce on her youthful infatuation with a young Kurt Russell, which made me wonder if that's what led her to bring "Starman" to me. But she didn't remember it. And then I discovered that Jeff Bridges was in "Starman" instead of Kurt Russell. But my hazy recollection of that movie makes it seem like a loose sort of spiritual prequel to the story of Star-Lord. Mystical alien dude comes down to Earth with hair for the 80s and shares his love and his seed with a local lady. Boom! That's how Peter Quills are made.

But I still don't know why my mother showed me "Starman".

Bonus Question!

Best ship?

Best ship? The one that looked like the Heart of Gold. Although the Milano is basically a B-2 stealth bomber with a garish paint job instead of stealth, which actually makes it sound like a better choice as I say this.

Fury of the Fateful

I was almost deterred from seeing "Fate of the Furious" by reports, apparently hailing from the Internet Movie Database, that claimed a run time in the area of three hours. I tend to get restless around the second third of that, and a fun popcorn movie would wane in efficacy for me with that bloat. But no. I think that it's actually shorter than the first one. Restraint? That seems uncharacteristic of the franchise. Tightness. That's more on brand.

Also, before I learned of the true length, I heard that Helen Mirren was in it. Which is lovely. Obviously. Whatever. But she actually campaigned to be in it. And maybe they actually brought everyone back to add her in or something? I don't really know. But her passion drew my interest, and  by the time I discovered the movie's real size, I was already swaying back around.

But I've heard similar claims about the length of the Justice League film. What gives, IMDB? Why are you trying to talk me out of seeing these crazed gigantic action movies I cherish so? Cease this subtle calumny. At least when your criticisms are based on taste, I know that they don't apply to me.

Bonus Question!

So? How was she?

Dame Helen delivers, dude. A drastic departure that deserves a look from her devotees. It'd be worth the ticket even if the movie weren't. But it is. Which basically means that you're getting in to "Fate" at half price.

"Baby, I'm the Beltane"

A little jam session in honour of the Beltane, baby.

Spiders, Dogs, and Babies

 "The Boss Baby" really reminded me of "Cats and Dogs". With babies instead of cats. And they weren't really trying to win humanity's favour over canines in order to take over the world. I think that the main motivation here was pie?

And then I remembered that that film also saw a Tobey Maguire character team up with Alec Baldwin. This realisation also codified something in my mind about Tobey. There'd been a part of me that thought that he was slightly dour for the Peter Parker role, but listening to his voice acting in these films belies that. It actually sounds quite close to what one might expect from Spidey. It's just his face. It doesn't really seem to emote well. Like . . . If you just met him at a party or something, it's a quality you might notice. In an actor, it's fairly aberrant. In fairness, it probably works for some roles. He might even age into it. Christopher Walken's career seems to be predominantly built on a similar idiosyncrasy. It just doesn't really fit Spider-Man. Especially a Spider-Man who keeps exposing his face for various reasons.

Bonus question! 

Best reason to expose the face? 

Inverse rain kiss! 

Also lunch. 

Thrawwwwwn!

So . . . I've just started the new "Thrawn" book. You know the one. The one by Timothy Zahn. You know the guy. The guy who popularised the expanded universe of "Star Wars" in the early Nineties with a trio of books that came to be called the Thrawn Trilogy. When people complained about the disposal of all "Star Wars" spinoff media that preceded Disney's acquisition, they were mostly thinking about the Zahn stuff. And lo! Thrawn turned out to be one of the high points of the old universe that got inducted into the tighter Disney version, making his new debut on the "Rebels" cartoon.

But now there's this book. No hiding the intent. In the original series that came to be named after him, he was still just the antagonist. Despite his popularity, he wasn't even given a viewpoint. He was only seen through the eyes of other characters. But in this book, officially called "Thrawn", he actually gets to narrate bits by himself, which isn't even traditional for "Star Wars" novels. I think that "I, Jedi", an older book, was actually called that because it broke the norm by featuring first-person narration.

But the best aspect I've encountered at this point is the fact that it basically feels like "Encino Man" in space. With a mysterious blue alien instead of an enigmagic surfer caveman. And an earnest young translator cadet instead of Pauly Shore. And though Brendan Fraser is apparently absent from "Thrawn", the situation's meliorated by my automatic tendency to imagine the titular character's portrayal by Benedict Cumberbatch. But yeah. Thrawn goes to school. It's pretty great. It would have been regardless, but this in particular is pretty great.

Bonus Question!

Best blue guy with glowing eyes?

Nightcrawler!

Ooh. But could he meet Thrawn? It'd be like blue Errol Flynn versus blue Sherlock Holmes!

Actually, this sounds exactly like the sort of scenario Nightcrawler would create for himself in the Danger Room. Dude treats that thing like his own personal version of Abed's Dreamatorium.

As well he should.

Iron Proxyvich

As it stands, “Iron Fist” is probably my favourite of the Marvel Netflix shows. I freely admit that this is probably predicated in large part on my feelings about the character. Of all the Netflix leads, he’s an easy favourite. A privileged white kid who often comes off like a crazy person and makes no real effort to discourage such impressions? Not hard to identify with.

Also? Chest tattoos are sweet. 

I’d probably place Jessica Jones right behind that on the basis of being an unstable mess with a nice jacket.

Additionally, this one had my favourite centrepiece fight. It's not usually a focal point for me, but even I have some inkling of the reasons behind the plaudits for the hallway brawl from "Daredevil". But that's still just a squalid hallway. "Iron Fist" had a melee in a sumptuous elevator. That goes straight up my jam. It evokes memories of a childhood trip to San Francisco where my mother and her friend had to spend large swathes of time in work conferences or something. For a tranche of one such swathe, my brother and I occupied ourselves by wrestling inside an ever moving hotel elevator set against a bright new cityscape.

As its predecessors were, "Iron Fist" is a well crafted story. And as its predecessors did, it does have a bit of a dip in the middle. In this case, that dip takes the form of “Erin Brockovich” by proxy. But whatever. My favourite dip is still the one in “Jessica Jones” that saw her try to play house with Kilgrave. The strict adherence to the 13-episode format on a platform that doesn’t expressly require it reminds me of the comic industry’s modern tendency to fit many of its stories to 6-issue arcs in order to facilitate ease of collection in trade paperbacks. It doesn’t always seem perfectly appropriate, but I don’t honestly care. For me, the pith of the story isn’t really lost, and ultimately, I’m just getting more stuff. I can’t be bothered to put effort into finding fault with that.

Bonus Question!

Best move?

The fist does actually glow. It would have been easy to just let the chi be an invisible force, and I wouldn't have faulted anyone for that. But the fist, like unto a thing of iron as it is, does indeed glow. It's a beautiful thing. And I know glow.

Death by Adventure

I was drawn in to see "The Last Word" by a Lily Tomlin mood. She wasn't in the movie, but I can only guess that any sense of familiarity I have with Shirley MacLaine, the film's lead, comes largely from my appreciation of Lily's work. I just can't think where I would have seen Shirley. But if the two of them had a third sister, she'd be Frau from "Austin Powers". But they're not sisters anyway. So.

The plot prominently featured a radio station, which happened to share a spot on the dial with Q107, a Toronto station that accompanied me on many high school nights. The film's station marketed itself in the independent music category instead of classic rock, butboth played The Kinks. The film even ended with "Waterloo Sunset", a song that I cherish mainly because one of my best friends used to force it on me over my personal preferences from the band.
The movie was about a woman who commissions her own obituary because she wants to insure that it meets her standards. I can only say that I don't want mine to use the phrase "death by misadventure". Take that prefix out. "Death by adventure", baby. That's how it's got to be. It's a pretty safe bet that I'll go out by doing something foolish. My vices don't tend to be self-destructive in any real physical sense, and I can't see how old age would suit me. That really just leaves ignorance of immediate danger. What form will that danger take? Who can say? But I'm probably going to be having a good time when it takes me. Thus "death by adventure".

Preferably set in WordArt.

Bonus Question!

Personal preference from The Kinks?

The one with "Fa fa fa fa fa, fa fa fa!"

Murder Bats

I remember hoping on some level for "Logan" to be a kind of cinematic successor to "Blunt Talk", and while Xavier was suitably demential to provide a taste of that dynamic, a flavour closer to the fore was that of "Dos Equis: The Movie". I suppose that that's appropriate. With Professor X and Weapon X, there were at least two prominent X's in this movie.

Incidentally, I love how they portray the extent to which Logan's a broken man by making him an Uber driver.

But anyway. A big part of the movie was about Wolvie's efforts to protect his much younger lady clone from a slightly younger evil clone. Logan does tend to be involved in a lot of plots that are largely brought about by some shadowy organisation's desire to make their own versions of him. Sabretooth. Deadpool. Laura.

But wasn't that basically what happened to the whole comic book industry in the Nineties? Every company wanted an easily marketable copy of Wolverine to capitalise on the feral dude's success. Bloodwulf. Cougar. Shadowhawk.

One could probably make a case for Jean-Paul Batman too, but my first memory of him was formed from picking out his toy at a store to my quondam cottage. How could I resist? I was obsessed with Batman at the time, and this version fixed one of his major deficiencies: shininess.

Of course, I'd later learn that the deficiency the character was actually created to correct was that of abstention from murder, but when you glimmer like that, such things can be more easily forgiven.

Bonus Question!

What can't be so easily forgiven?

I mean . . . Look. It's fine. They didn't go with the last movie's Mister Sinister tease for Laura's origin. That's alright. But they bothered to put Richard E. Grant in this movie. How does one cast that dude in an X-Men movie without making him Mister Sinister? This is on the level of getting Ben Kingsley to play a Marvel villain who isn't the Vulture. Were the X-Men guys holding out for Alan Rickman? They realise that he's dead, don't they?

But ultimately, both are acceptable largely because those actors are fantastic enough to make me delight in their appearances anyway. Although I didn't know that Grant was in this while I was watching him. I just thought, "Oh! That guy almost looks like Richard E. Grant. Man, Richard E. Grant would make a great Sinister."

Doctors and Dragon Balls

I do believe that the latest “Doctor Who” holiday special was my favourite. For one thing, it was about the idea of a superhero, which is  a pretty easy route to my heart. Its guest star did an excellent job in that role, and his portrayal of his heroic persona’s secret identity immediately brought to mind an adult Peter Parker. Then I began to think that I recognised the actor from something. A modicum of research revealed that the only thing from which this vague familiarity could have possibly come was “Dragon Ball Evolution”, that live “Dragon Ball” movie that barely bore any resemblance to any other form of “Dragon Ball”. But the actor’s charm was still pretty apparent in that Goku role, and the incoherent choice to make him a high school student in that film helped to reinforce the feel of a teenage Peter Parker. For having essentially  played Spider-Man at both developmental stages without ever explicitly playing Spider-Man, Justin Chatwin gets some serious love from me. And an award? It’s the season for that. I just don’t know if there’s any award show that’s specifically about Spider-Man minutiae. There are the Webby Awards, but I think that those are mainly about the internet. Anyway. Just saying. Saiyan? Shh. No. But if there were Spider-Man awards with such esoteric categories, this would be the year to give him one in apology for passing him over when that “Dragon Ball” thing came out. Because that’s how award shows work.

Bonus Question!

Best Spider-Man reference that’s not actually a Spider-Man reference?

The special was called “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”. It’s actually just referring to the title of “Doctor Who” in some other language.

Bat Bricks

I didn't realise that I'd purchased a ticket to the 3-D version of "LEGO Batman" until I'd been watching for 10 minutes. No difference. 'Twas a solid experience anyway. 

It was a long while before I actually got around to seeing the previous LEGO film. I just didn't feel the draw? At the time, I was far more interested in the cinematic treatment of "Mr. Peabody and Sherman". I eventually caught that LEGO one on Netflix or something, and I did enjoy it, but this one elicited a more visceral interest in me.

Maybe it had something to do with the difference between the respective protagonists of this spinoff and its predecessor. Of course, I love Chris Pratt, but his character in "The LEGO Movie" was a deliberately bland everyman, whereas the Batman film focused on a spoilt narcissist with insomnia, a gusto for loud music, and dedication to a career that probably costs more than it brings in. It just felt more relatable.

The plot was quite direct, focusing in large part on Joker's familiar fixation on his relationship with Batman. I did notice that Harley cheered on this obsession. There was an emphasis on the neglect Joker felt from Batman. Though it was passed over here, incarnations of this material often make a point of making Joker the aloof object of the ignored Harley's affections, while he's driven to chase after Batman. It's a dynamic redolent of an old "How I Met Your Mother" episode or something. 

Bonus Question!

Most surprising reference?

The film made a point of calling out the apparent obscurity of the Daleks it featured, though I thought that the inclusion of shark repellent was a far deeper cut.

 

Sykes and Psyches

In light of her character's initial trajectory, Aubrey Plaza seemed unusually optimistic in "Legion". I really did enjoy how she and David played off each other. What was that Paul Giamatti movie where the kid checks himself in to a mental clinic for nervous exhaustion or something and bonds with a girl patient over T. Rex? I was actually quite fond of that movie. Anyway, a similar dynamic was on display here. I do enjoy that trope of young mental patients in like.

When I was in hospital as a teenager, our ward's intercom system was broken, which meant that we had to ring actual metal bells to signal the nurses. They called our section the Anita Ward. 

Most of that's untrue. I just wanted to get that joke in.

One of my other favourite parts of the episode was the moment when I finally stopped struggling to place the interrogator's face. "The New Adventures of Old Christine"! I knew that the main recognition point was something tonally different. It's such relief when that effort culminates. Man, that show had a great cast too. The intial draw for me was Wanda Sykes, but the dude in this show proved to be fantastic, and by the time at which I finally got around to watching it, I knew the former husband better from his Agent Coulson role in the Marvel movies. Hm. With this guy's "Legion" role, that gives "New Adventures" two silly men who went on to play suited, stoic government types in Marvel properties. 

Bonus Question!

Where did you last see Wanda Sykes?

I've just started watching "Alpha House", a relatively recent John Goodman show, and I was pleasantly surprised when Wanda Sykes showed up to hang out in the middle of the season.

 

Nice Hair, Cool Shades

A show about Professor X's son is  out. They ditched the extreme hair, but they kept the dissociative identity disorder and its attendant powers. It's one power set for each personality? Or a personality for each power set? It's a bit of a chicken-egg situation. But that's what the X-Men are all about. Mutation's why the chicken hatched from an egg that was laid by something slightly different from a chicken. Also, a lot of chickens seem to possess multiple heads. Mutation!

But first the dude who actually played Professor X is giving his own take on DID in that "Split" movie. Heredity! A related genetic concept!

But I've heard whispers that the next actual X-Men movie might touch more on that Phoenix business? Which . . . There are probably more novel places to go, but I can understand Bryan Singer's urge to give that plot a just screen treatment after "The Last Stand" took the threads he'd woven for it in "X2" and pulled them into a frayed mess because no one could wait for him to finish "Superman Returns" with his best buddy James Marsden before returning to his rightful place atop the X-Men film throne. The throne is obviously cruciform. 

But yeah. "X2" basically set up the Phoenix pins, and then "The Last Stand" wandered in and threw a watermelon at them. It definitely wasn't a strike, and it left gross bits of watermelon all over the lane. Now, I personally enjoyed "The Last Stand" more than I like watermelon, but it was clear to see that it had nothing to do with the vision Singer left in the air at the end of "X2". But on the subject of vision, I can say that Cyclops's shades never looked better than they did in "Last Stand". And apparently they were all that survived his fiery kiss death in that movie. Technically, they had more screen time in that film than he did. So.

Bonus Question!

Best Cyclops sunglasses?

See above.

Judi Dench the X-Dame

I wasn't paying attention when I bought my "Return of Xander Cage" ticket, and I inadvertently purchased one to that kind of cinema with the shaky chairs and water effects. It's like that "Star Wars" ride from Disney World. Can I still say that? Have they built the other "Star Wars" stuff yet? For decades, that phrase has always been understood in reference to "Star Tours". Flying around the galaxy on a galactic cruise by a protocol droid with a familiar persona. And the seats shake. Oh, no! Imperial fighters! Or something.

But the movie was pretty good. The other surprise of the night was seeing Toni Colette again. If Vin Diesel can be called X-treme James Bond, she was basically playing X-treme Judi Dench. Maybe that should be X-treMe Judi Dench? Because M. 

But yeah. Delightful.

Bonus Question!

Imbolc's upon us. In which direction does Xander Cage dance around the festival fire?

Vin Deasil.

Valenshines

Rubies are red. 

Sapphires are too. 

But they're missing chromium. 

And that's why they're blue.