Spiders, Dogs, and Babies

 "The Boss Baby" really reminded me of "Cats and Dogs". With babies instead of cats. And they weren't really trying to win humanity's favour over canines in order to take over the world. I think that the main motivation here was pie?

And then I remembered that that film also saw a Tobey Maguire character team up with Alec Baldwin. This realisation also codified something in my mind about Tobey. There'd been a part of me that thought that he was slightly dour for the Peter Parker role, but listening to his voice acting in these films belies that. It actually sounds quite close to what one might expect from Spidey. It's just his face. It doesn't really seem to emote well. Like . . . If you just met him at a party or something, it's a quality you might notice. In an actor, it's fairly aberrant. In fairness, it probably works for some roles. He might even age into it. Christopher Walken's career seems to be predominantly built on a similar idiosyncrasy. It just doesn't really fit Spider-Man. Especially a Spider-Man who keeps exposing his face for various reasons.

Bonus question! 

Best reason to expose the face? 

Inverse rain kiss! 

Also lunch. 

Thrawwwwwn!

So . . . I've just started the new "Thrawn" book. You know the one. The one by Timothy Zahn. You know the guy. The guy who popularised the expanded universe of "Star Wars" in the early Nineties with a trio of books that came to be called the Thrawn Trilogy. When people complained about the disposal of all "Star Wars" spinoff media that preceded Disney's acquisition, they were mostly thinking about the Zahn stuff. And lo! Thrawn turned out to be one of the high points of the old universe that got inducted into the tighter Disney version, making his new debut on the "Rebels" cartoon.

But now there's this book. No hiding the intent. In the original series that came to be named after him, he was still just the antagonist. Despite his popularity, he wasn't even given a viewpoint. He was only seen through the eyes of other characters. But in this book, officially called "Thrawn", he actually gets to narrate bits by himself, which isn't even traditional for "Star Wars" novels. I think that "I, Jedi", an older book, was actually called that because it broke the norm by featuring first-person narration.

But the best aspect I've encountered at this point is the fact that it basically feels like "Encino Man" in space. With a mysterious blue alien instead of an enigmagic surfer caveman. And an earnest young translator cadet instead of Pauly Shore. And though Brendan Fraser is apparently absent from "Thrawn", the situation's meliorated by my automatic tendency to imagine the titular character's portrayal by Benedict Cumberbatch. But yeah. Thrawn goes to school. It's pretty great. It would have been regardless, but this in particular is pretty great.

Bonus Question!

Best blue guy with glowing eyes?

Nightcrawler!

Ooh. But could he meet Thrawn? It'd be like blue Errol Flynn versus blue Sherlock Holmes!

Actually, this sounds exactly like the sort of scenario Nightcrawler would create for himself in the Danger Room. Dude treats that thing like his own personal version of Abed's Dreamatorium.

As well he should.

Iron Proxyvich

As it stands, “Iron Fist” is probably my favourite of the Marvel Netflix shows. I freely admit that this is probably predicated in large part on my feelings about the character. Of all the Netflix leads, he’s an easy favourite. A privileged white kid who often comes off like a crazy person and makes no real effort to discourage such impressions? Not hard to identify with.

Also? Chest tattoos are sweet. 

I’d probably place Jessica Jones right behind that on the basis of being an unstable mess with a nice jacket.

Additionally, this one had my favourite centrepiece fight. It's not usually a focal point for me, but even I have some inkling of the reasons behind the plaudits for the hallway brawl from "Daredevil". But that's still just a squalid hallway. "Iron Fist" had a melee in a sumptuous elevator. That goes straight up my jam. It evokes memories of a childhood trip to San Francisco where my mother and her friend had to spend large swathes of time in work conferences or something. For a tranche of one such swathe, my brother and I occupied ourselves by wrestling inside an ever moving hotel elevator set against a bright new cityscape.

As its predecessors were, "Iron Fist" is a well crafted story. And as its predecessors did, it does have a bit of a dip in the middle. In this case, that dip takes the form of “Erin Brockovich” by proxy. But whatever. My favourite dip is still the one in “Jessica Jones” that saw her try to play house with Kilgrave. The strict adherence to the 13-episode format on a platform that doesn’t expressly require it reminds me of the comic industry’s modern tendency to fit many of its stories to 6-issue arcs in order to facilitate ease of collection in trade paperbacks. It doesn’t always seem perfectly appropriate, but I don’t honestly care. For me, the pith of the story isn’t really lost, and ultimately, I’m just getting more stuff. I can’t be bothered to put effort into finding fault with that.

Bonus Question!

Best move?

The fist does actually glow. It would have been easy to just let the chi be an invisible force, and I wouldn't have faulted anyone for that. But the fist, like unto a thing of iron as it is, does indeed glow. It's a beautiful thing. And I know glow.

Death by Adventure

I was drawn in to see "The Last Word" by a Lily Tomlin mood. She wasn't in the movie, but I can only guess that any sense of familiarity I have with Shirley MacLaine, the film's lead, comes largely from my appreciation of Lily's work. I just can't think where I would have seen Shirley. But if the two of them had a third sister, she'd be Frau from "Austin Powers". But they're not sisters anyway. So.

The plot prominently featured a radio station, which happened to share a spot on the dial with Q107, a Toronto station that accompanied me on many high school nights. The film's station marketed itself in the independent music category instead of classic rock, butboth played The Kinks. The film even ended with "Waterloo Sunset", a song that I cherish mainly because one of my best friends used to force it on me over my personal preferences from the band.
The movie was about a woman who commissions her own obituary because she wants to insure that it meets her standards. I can only say that I don't want mine to use the phrase "death by misadventure". Take that prefix out. "Death by adventure", baby. That's how it's got to be. It's a pretty safe bet that I'll go out by doing something foolish. My vices don't tend to be self-destructive in any real physical sense, and I can't see how old age would suit me. That really just leaves ignorance of immediate danger. What form will that danger take? Who can say? But I'm probably going to be having a good time when it takes me. Thus "death by adventure".

Preferably set in WordArt.

Bonus Question!

Personal preference from The Kinks?

The one with "Fa fa fa fa fa, fa fa fa!"

Murder Bats

I remember hoping on some level for "Logan" to be a kind of cinematic successor to "Blunt Talk", and while Xavier was suitably demential to provide a taste of that dynamic, a flavour closer to the fore was that of "Dos Equis: The Movie". I suppose that that's appropriate. With Professor X and Weapon X, there were at least two prominent X's in this movie.

Incidentally, I love how they portray the extent to which Logan's a broken man by making him an Uber driver.

But anyway. A big part of the movie was about Wolvie's efforts to protect his much younger lady clone from a slightly younger evil clone. Logan does tend to be involved in a lot of plots that are largely brought about by some shadowy organisation's desire to make their own versions of him. Sabretooth. Deadpool. Laura.

But wasn't that basically what happened to the whole comic book industry in the Nineties? Every company wanted an easily marketable copy of Wolverine to capitalise on the feral dude's success. Bloodwulf. Cougar. Shadowhawk.

One could probably make a case for Jean-Paul Batman too, but my first memory of him was formed from picking out his toy at a store to my quondam cottage. How could I resist? I was obsessed with Batman at the time, and this version fixed one of his major deficiencies: shininess.

Of course, I'd later learn that the deficiency the character was actually created to correct was that of abstention from murder, but when you glimmer like that, such things can be more easily forgiven.

Bonus Question!

What can't be so easily forgiven?

I mean . . . Look. It's fine. They didn't go with the last movie's Mister Sinister tease for Laura's origin. That's alright. But they bothered to put Richard E. Grant in this movie. How does one cast that dude in an X-Men movie without making him Mister Sinister? This is on the level of getting Ben Kingsley to play a Marvel villain who isn't the Vulture. Were the X-Men guys holding out for Alan Rickman? They realise that he's dead, don't they?

But ultimately, both are acceptable largely because those actors are fantastic enough to make me delight in their appearances anyway. Although I didn't know that Grant was in this while I was watching him. I just thought, "Oh! That guy almost looks like Richard E. Grant. Man, Richard E. Grant would make a great Sinister."

Doctors and Dragon Balls

I do believe that the latest “Doctor Who” holiday special was my favourite. For one thing, it was about the idea of a superhero, which is  a pretty easy route to my heart. Its guest star did an excellent job in that role, and his portrayal of his heroic persona’s secret identity immediately brought to mind an adult Peter Parker. Then I began to think that I recognised the actor from something. A modicum of research revealed that the only thing from which this vague familiarity could have possibly come was “Dragon Ball Evolution”, that live “Dragon Ball” movie that barely bore any resemblance to any other form of “Dragon Ball”. But the actor’s charm was still pretty apparent in that Goku role, and the incoherent choice to make him a high school student in that film helped to reinforce the feel of a teenage Peter Parker. For having essentially  played Spider-Man at both developmental stages without ever explicitly playing Spider-Man, Justin Chatwin gets some serious love from me. And an award? It’s the season for that. I just don’t know if there’s any award show that’s specifically about Spider-Man minutiae. There are the Webby Awards, but I think that those are mainly about the internet. Anyway. Just saying. Saiyan? Shh. No. But if there were Spider-Man awards with such esoteric categories, this would be the year to give him one in apology for passing him over when that “Dragon Ball” thing came out. Because that’s how award shows work.

Bonus Question!

Best Spider-Man reference that’s not actually a Spider-Man reference?

The special was called “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”. It’s actually just referring to the title of “Doctor Who” in some other language.

Bat Bricks

I didn't realise that I'd purchased a ticket to the 3-D version of "LEGO Batman" until I'd been watching for 10 minutes. No difference. 'Twas a solid experience anyway. 

It was a long while before I actually got around to seeing the previous LEGO film. I just didn't feel the draw? At the time, I was far more interested in the cinematic treatment of "Mr. Peabody and Sherman". I eventually caught that LEGO one on Netflix or something, and I did enjoy it, but this one elicited a more visceral interest in me.

Maybe it had something to do with the difference between the respective protagonists of this spinoff and its predecessor. Of course, I love Chris Pratt, but his character in "The LEGO Movie" was a deliberately bland everyman, whereas the Batman film focused on a spoilt narcissist with insomnia, a gusto for loud music, and dedication to a career that probably costs more than it brings in. It just felt more relatable.

The plot was quite direct, focusing in large part on Joker's familiar fixation on his relationship with Batman. I did notice that Harley cheered on this obsession. There was an emphasis on the neglect Joker felt from Batman. Though it was passed over here, incarnations of this material often make a point of making Joker the aloof object of the ignored Harley's affections, while he's driven to chase after Batman. It's a dynamic redolent of an old "How I Met Your Mother" episode or something. 

Bonus Question!

Most surprising reference?

The film made a point of calling out the apparent obscurity of the Daleks it featured, though I thought that the inclusion of shark repellent was a far deeper cut.

 

Sykes and Psyches

In light of her character's initial trajectory, Aubrey Plaza seemed unusually optimistic in "Legion". I really did enjoy how she and David played off each other. What was that Paul Giamatti movie where the kid checks himself in to a mental clinic for nervous exhaustion or something and bonds with a girl patient over T. Rex? I was actually quite fond of that movie. Anyway, a similar dynamic was on display here. I do enjoy that trope of young mental patients in like.

When I was in hospital as a teenager, our ward's intercom system was broken, which meant that we had to ring actual metal bells to signal the nurses. They called our section the Anita Ward. 

Most of that's untrue. I just wanted to get that joke in.

One of my other favourite parts of the episode was the moment when I finally stopped struggling to place the interrogator's face. "The New Adventures of Old Christine"! I knew that the main recognition point was something tonally different. It's such relief when that effort culminates. Man, that show had a great cast too. The intial draw for me was Wanda Sykes, but the dude in this show proved to be fantastic, and by the time at which I finally got around to watching it, I knew the former husband better from his Agent Coulson role in the Marvel movies. Hm. With this guy's "Legion" role, that gives "New Adventures" two silly men who went on to play suited, stoic government types in Marvel properties. 

Bonus Question!

Where did you last see Wanda Sykes?

I've just started watching "Alpha House", a relatively recent John Goodman show, and I was pleasantly surprised when Wanda Sykes showed up to hang out in the middle of the season.

 

Nice Hair, Cool Shades

A show about Professor X's son is  out. They ditched the extreme hair, but they kept the dissociative identity disorder and its attendant powers. It's one power set for each personality? Or a personality for each power set? It's a bit of a chicken-egg situation. But that's what the X-Men are all about. Mutation's why the chicken hatched from an egg that was laid by something slightly different from a chicken. Also, a lot of chickens seem to possess multiple heads. Mutation!

But first the dude who actually played Professor X is giving his own take on DID in that "Split" movie. Heredity! A related genetic concept!

But I've heard whispers that the next actual X-Men movie might touch more on that Phoenix business? Which . . . There are probably more novel places to go, but I can understand Bryan Singer's urge to give that plot a just screen treatment after "The Last Stand" took the threads he'd woven for it in "X2" and pulled them into a frayed mess because no one could wait for him to finish "Superman Returns" with his best buddy James Marsden before returning to his rightful place atop the X-Men film throne. The throne is obviously cruciform. 

But yeah. "X2" basically set up the Phoenix pins, and then "The Last Stand" wandered in and threw a watermelon at them. It definitely wasn't a strike, and it left gross bits of watermelon all over the lane. Now, I personally enjoyed "The Last Stand" more than I like watermelon, but it was clear to see that it had nothing to do with the vision Singer left in the air at the end of "X2". But on the subject of vision, I can say that Cyclops's shades never looked better than they did in "Last Stand". And apparently they were all that survived his fiery kiss death in that movie. Technically, they had more screen time in that film than he did. So.

Bonus Question!

Best Cyclops sunglasses?

See above.

Judi Dench the X-Dame

I wasn't paying attention when I bought my "Return of Xander Cage" ticket, and I inadvertently purchased one to that kind of cinema with the shaky chairs and water effects. It's like that "Star Wars" ride from Disney World. Can I still say that? Have they built the other "Star Wars" stuff yet? For decades, that phrase has always been understood in reference to "Star Tours". Flying around the galaxy on a galactic cruise by a protocol droid with a familiar persona. And the seats shake. Oh, no! Imperial fighters! Or something.

But the movie was pretty good. The other surprise of the night was seeing Toni Colette again. If Vin Diesel can be called X-treme James Bond, she was basically playing X-treme Judi Dench. Maybe that should be X-treMe Judi Dench? Because M. 

But yeah. Delightful.

Bonus Question!

Imbolc's upon us. In which direction does Xander Cage dance around the festival fire?

Vin Deasil.

Valenshines

Rubies are red. 

Sapphires are too. 

But they're missing chromium. 

And that's why they're blue. 

Hot Cole, Warm Luke

I don't think that I've ever seen anyone look more like a Fiona Staples drawing than Luke Perry does in this picture. In fairness, there's an infinitesimal possibility that my eyes have been subtly affected by reading "Saga" in the last 24 hours. I doubt it, though. 

But still. 

That has to bode well for the "Riverdale" show, doesn't it? Old Fiona definitely helped start Archie's new comic out on the right foot. 

There are probably people for whom the experience of seeing Luke Perry on television again is akin to what I might get from seeing Cole Sprouse. "Suite Life" saw me through some weird times in the previous decade. Maybe it played into them? I don't know. That was mostly when I actually watched what was on. Can you imagine? Although I do remember making some sort of effort to seek out episodes of the cruise ship spinoff on YouTube after being away from the Suitiverse for a while. For closure or something? Whatever. I haven't seen that dude in years. I was sitting in a cafe a week ago when my friend told me that Zack was playing Jughead. My first reaction was "Are you sure?" I'd seen a picture of him from the show at that point, and my mind did not connect the face to that guy. Within a few moments of her claim, I was somewhat open to the idea that he could have been Cody. But no. He is Cole-Zack Sprouse. And I was surprised. In the direction of pleasantness.

Bonus Question!

Best new hyphenated name?

Cole-Zack! Move over, Billy-Bob!

Ban! Ban! Superman!

Hearing about Mark Zuckerberg's attack on Trump over the refugee ban  on the weekend was like watching a battle between Jesse Eisenberg from "The Social Network" and Jesse Eisenberg from "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice". But this probably isn't the dawn. Maybe it's closer to the dark part right before the dawn that people are always talking about. 

Of justice.

Actually, do you remember when Lex Luthor was president?

It wasn't the Jesse Eisenberg version, and I wasn't really reading DC at the time, but I'm pretty sure that the only immigrant he would have banned was Superman. And that was mainly because he was jealous of his crazy alien powers. Does Trump think that Muslims have crazy alien powers? They've literally been living under Earth's yellow sun for this entire time. You'd think that someone would have noticed. 

Unless wide swathes of Mesopotamia have been affected by some sort of massive red sun radiation generator?

Ooh. Maybe Samson's hair wasn't the source of his power. Maybe it just shielded him from the red sun field.

Bonus Question!

Where did ancient Mesopotamians get a red sun radiation generator?

Exactly!

Pussy Belcher

Over the weekend, I was vaguely wondering why some of my aged neighbours were cosplaying as Louise Belcher.

Just realised that it was actually the Pussyhat Project. Honestly, I think that both reasons would be worth supporting.

Bonus Question! 

How are you not Travolta right now? 

Vlad Jelly

Watching the new Dirk Gently show. It’s odd. Odd in ways besides the kinds you’d expect from a Douglas Adams property. The titular character feels right. His voice is what you’d expect from old Doug’s original creation. He’s noticeably slimmer than the dude from the book, but that was also the case with the BBC version I vaguely remember from a previous year. That curly guy from “Episodes”. I always want to call him Stephen Moffat, but that’s a different Stephen.

But it feels as though this Dirk has been transported to a different world. And I don’t mean that in a diegetic sense. Dimensional transportation would not be surprising in an Adams derivative. It really just feels as though Dirk has wandered on to the set of some other show. When I first saw Elijah Wood on this, I thought, “Oh. I don’t think that I’ve seen him in anything since that dog show.” And it actually feels like that. It feels like “Wilfred”, but the dog’s been switched out for a holistic detective and a heightened degree of weird happenings.

But then there's the comic that Arvind Ethan David created. He also helped on the show and made a stage version that Adams apparently enjoyed. Though the comic began before the show, thus bearing no inherent relation beyond shared provenance, its newest storyline posits that the show is another universe, and the comic's characters are starting to interact with it. It doesn't actually make the television series feel more like its source in itself, but it does draw some disparate aspects of the entire franchise closer together and fulls it out thereby. One might even say that it gives another dimension to the show. I probably won't, though. But I will say that this touch of unexpected concordance is not inappropriate for a story with titular ties to holism.

Bonus Question? 

What is that hair actually supposed to be?

Not quite sure.

Roguefellas

Bonus Question!

Worst "Star Wars" movie?

This one. But I recognise that that's scarcely more meaningful than picking one's most unpleasant orgasm. It's just not the sort of thing that can actually be bad in any real way. But you know me. My tastes. What I want.

Less war. More stars. Skywalkers and their antics mean more to me. I love that Force mysticism. 

But I'm also open to the idea that this isn't a "Star Wars" movie. It's a movie that takes place in the "Star Wars" world. And what that represents excites me. I've been invested in the extended universe for two decades, and if it has one attribute that could exceed its levels of quality in breadth, it's diversity. And now there are going to be films that evince that same ability to hop around the gamut in tone and plot. It might not have been the spinoff I'd have picked to start, but that's another personal thing. It is in fact a start, and that's something I would have appreciated even if I didn't like anything else about it.

I heard a bunch of people say that Gael Garcia Bernal was Cassian, and I was on the verge of believing it despite some reservations. But then I did a modicum of research and discovered that he was actually Gael Garcia Bernal's friend. 

My main association with Gael comes from the fact that he helped to anchor me during the depths of my one lysergide trip in high school. This was in large part because my friends insisted on watching him in "The Science of Sleep" at the beginning. Throughout the night, I kept calling him "that French dude". The movie took place in France. The character actually wasn't, but I couldn't quite grasp that. My other anchor was Robert Plant, and I kept replacing his name with Roger Daltrey's.

I also seem to recall thinking at one point that "Rogue One" would be more of a caper movie instead of a straighter war film. "Ocean's Eleven" over "Black Hawk Down". I mean . . . If you're not going to use the John Williams score, just throw in some "Green Onions".

Bonus Question!

Favourite moment?

That first Vader scene. Floating in the tank with no limbs? That's how I feel before I've had a chance to wake up in the morning. I'm just hanging there in a haze with no control. Then I get up and walk into the world, looking all shiny and majestic. Force chokes generally don't play a huge role, but I take the day as it comes. 

Also.

That quip? That's another grand Vader bit for me. Because why? Or why not? There is no "why". That's just some straight James Bond style right there. A sardonic little pun to some dude you've just knocked out. I was almost expecting him to straighten his tie at the end. 

Delayed Validation

I first saw Jamie Campbell Bower in "Sweeney Todd". However, I arrived late to that movie for some reason. When I walked in to the cinema, he was singing "Joanna", and I was without context. I thought he might have been a younger version of Todd in a flashback to the barber's first meeting with his wife or something. This did not turn out to be the case. He was a friend of Depp's character instead of an earlier incarnation.

But I just saw  Depp in "Fantastic Beasts", and now he's playing an older version of a character first brought to screen by Jamie Bower. It took eight years and a completely separate universe, but my poorly informed guess from that initial viewing of "The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" turned out to be right.

Bonus Question!

Pretty women?

Pretty Women!

Back to There Again

It's the time of year for thinking about Peter Jackson movies. The guy had two separate holiday reigns from Middle-earth before the "Star Wars" franchise stepped up. All of them had charm, but I was just thinking about the latter trilogy. In a lot of ways, "The Hobbit" is a story about homesickness. Bilbo even calls his account of the events "There and Back Again", admitting that thoughts of home never left his mind even as he grew to accept the idea that it did not need to constitute the entirety of his existence. But the production of the movie and its reception combine to display the dangers implied by the old adage against trying to go home again. It endeavoured to remix the magic that its sequels rapped the masses with in the previous decade, striving to hit the biggest notes in a way that wasn't primarily occupied with serving the tale. To the point of including Legolas and his elevated elven antics for no real reason. 

Beyond my enjoyment. Because honestly. I can talk about the ways in which it misstepped in its attempts to captivate everyone again, but I enjoyed everything. This is the guy for whom last Christmas's "The Force Awakens" is the best "Star Wars" movie behind "Attack of the Clones". And you know what? Bilbo did go home again. He was changed, and some people treated him differently when he came back, but he never stopped having a good time. And everyone still went to his party.

Bonus Question!

Third best?

"Return of the Jedi".

Digging It

I'm not going to say that "Iron Man 3" is my favourite Christmas movie. It's facing some really stiff competition from "The Muppet Christmas Carol" and "The Santa Clause". I suppose that I can give ot third place behind those two. It's even numerically appropriate. But as it is a Christmas film, its theme song must perforce count as a carol. Thus, "Can You Dig It" is indeed my new favourite Christmas carol.

Bonus Question!

Well? Can you?

Obviously.

Mystic Hands of Kung Fu

Thinking more about Doctor Strange.

He's finally on screen in a real big way, and that's splendid. He may not be making many grandiloquent declamations in that classical Vincent Price style from some of his earlier appearances on the page, but he's not doing much of that in the comics at the moment either. He's more casual now. And that makes sense. The dude was a doctor. He was an arrogant dastard, but I don't really imagine that he walked in to the surgery with lines like "By the olden oaths of Hippocrates, I abjure thee, cancer!" He already suffered a bit of ostracism for his vanity. If he'd indulged in those sorts of theatrics at work, it would've made it far more difficult for him to achieve the level of success he did before the accident. Then why did he start talking like that when he gained mastery of the mystic arts? Well, he was coming off the loss of the majestic dexterity that had enabled his career and fortune in addition to defining much of his self-image and propping up his enormous ego. 

All of that was taken away. He might have found a new path in life, but I'd imagine that he was still dealing with some massive insecurity. Leaning into some caricatural concept of mysticism with those dramatic cadences probably functioned as some sort of coping mechanism. 

But that was a while ago. In comic book time, we're talking about something in the neighbourhood of a decade. He's more comfortable in himself now. He's embraced his position in the magical world. Who needs to be some superior surgeon when you're the Sorcerer Supreme?

He doesn't need to cling to those exaggerated archaisms anymore. He's securer now.

He probably still indulges when he's in the mood, though.

Bonus Question!

Best hand?

Thing.

Thing T. Thing.