Generation Fap

Young people will always complain about old people, and the old will always do the same about the young. Obvious stuff. I mean . . . People of all types are always going to complain about whatever they want. But these two codified forms of dissatisfaction just passed across my mind. Though there's little of actual relevance in the standard case of either, anyone with a yen to assign points might be convinced to give a slight bonus to the youth for the mere fact that they generally seem to accept the idea that this has always been the state of things, believing that the old are eternally awful, whereas the opposite camps of modernity, ancientry, and all intervening points frequently speak as though their successors are breaking disastrous new ground when they mess up in the same basic ways.

But if that bonus were ultimately given, I suspect that it would be very slight indeed.

Bonus Question!

Greatest generation? Pepsi. 

Well, I don't know about the greatest, but it must surely rank.

Effective Perfection

I vaguely recall having no interest in “Pitch Perfect” when it came out. However, by the time I saw the trailer for the sequel, several members of the cast had become known to me in positive ways. I decided that I’d probably have to catch up at some point before the release of “Pitch Perfect 2”, though I did nothing to hurry that process. This past week rewarded my sluggishness with the opportunity to see the original film at my favoured cinema, and the expected good time was had. Ready for the sequel now.

Bonus Question! 

Best pitch? Curveball. Really curvy. Like that movie "Wanted". With baseballs. I guess. I don't know. Now I'm just thinking about a battle between James McAvoy and Boomerang. Bullseye could come too if he truly did find his path to criminality in baseball like Boomerang. I don't know why professional baseball seems to be such a villainous place in the Marvel universe. The X-Men obviously prove that there's nothing wrong with the backyard variety, and Thing and Sasquatch seemed to be on track for the big leagues with their collegiate football careers before they turned into superhero monsters. I don't know, man. Marvel's MLB can be a dangerous place. 

Fast Times

The blessed line that followed the climax of the previous “Furious” movie, the first one that I saw in theatres, was “How did you know that there would be a car there to break your fall?”

I mean . . . That’s how you know, isn’t it? So good.

If I had to pick a roughly equivalent moment in “Furious 7”, it would be an exchange between Vin Diesel and the passenger in the car he was about to drive off a cliff. It was less explicit, though. The significance is in the implication when Vin tells her to put a helmet on. She questions his lack of cranial protection. He says nothing. But that says enough. For he is Vin Diesel, and his head is a helmet of grandeur.

Also, driving a car off a cliff is one of the less impressive automotive flights that are taken in this movie. This scene came shortly after one in which he was one of a group that drove cars out of a plane. So . . . You know. He’s probably not too worried anyway.

Bonus Question!

Best fast? Lent.

Sky Business

I saw “Unfinished Business”. It was basically like a comedic version of that George Clooney movie. The one wherein he’s a diligent professional who doesn’t have time to build a life because he’s always flying across the world for work. What was that called? “Up in the Air”? I don’t know. I don’t really know anything about the film. I might not even have the right premise in mind.

But I have my assumptions.

And Vince Vaughan has Dave Franco.

So. No problems.

Bonus Question!

Best unfinished Vaughan business? "Saga".

Home Again

I vaguely recall seeing a trailer for “Home” at some point in the past season. Details like the 

name and exact nature of the film were lost to me. Recently, however, whatever concept of the 

movie I had randomly popped up in my head, and the idea that I’d gone to watch it at some 

stage somehow coalesced. I supposed that it had left theatres already. Within a week of the 

formation of this ephemeral belief, the marketing for the movie picked up in preparation for its 

actual arrival. The new posters that have appeared reveal that it is in fact due to arrive upon this 

weekend.

So. I shall be going to see that at some point in the next few weeks.

Bonus Question!

Best home? The one to which you can go again.

Ascendant Elements

I  managed to make room in my schedule to see “Jupiter Ascending”. I had more fun with it than I might have thought. I think that this time in 2014 saw a bit of a drought in cinemas that led me to see “3 Days to Kill” in part because I’d heard that it was done by the guys from “The Fifth Element”. No such drought currently seems to be in effect, which is why I only saw the Wachowski movie recently. It wasn’t a priority. But then it turned out to be fun in that lovely “Fifth Element” kind of way. In a bit of a reversal from that film’s central dynamic, the dude in this is the aloof alien, and the girl he’s protecting is the more relatable earthling. But it still has that feeling of madcap cosmic craziness. It's probably the type of space opera that I was waiting for when I let "Interstellar" pass by me. It’s a flamboyant adventure that’s played fairly straight through all of the outlandish elements it proudly displays. There seemed to be more whispering in this than there was in "Element", though. With the exception of Mila Kunis. But when she did whisper, everyone else’s whispers got even softer.

Bonus Question!

Best Jupiter? Camp.

Time of the Season for Rob Thomas

After “Sandman” and “Secret Six”, “iZombie” was probably my favourite comic published by DC for a good while. I can’t bother to elucidate all the reasons for this. Many are indeed elusive. The Allred charm is there, though, and despite my previous experiences with his work, this was his first trip into my heart. I might even say that it set me up to derive greater enjoyment from his later ventures like “FF” and “Silver Surfer”.

From the first I heard about the television adaptation, I basically assumed that the original’s mojo couldn’t be completely captured in the medium change. It seemed reasonable. I was still curious enough. Now I’ve learned that it’s being done by the “Veronica Mars” guy.

I remember seeing the commercial for that show’s film a year ago. It looked decent before I even knew that it wasn’t just a random movie, and I enjoyed the full experience despite the fact that I’d never had any contact with the series. This pleasure was bolstered by the presence of a wide sampling of the cast of “Party Down”, a program I did watch. That turned out to be from the same guy too. Rob Thomas? Rob Thomas. I think.

Anyway, “Veronica Mars” definitely has its own quirky appeal, and I think that that will function as a serviceable substitute for much of what’s lost in the transition from an Allred comic book.

So good.

Bonus Question!

Best zombie? White Zombie.

It's basically just a White Russian with expired milk.

That I totally just made up.

You should drink it anyway. It'll be good.

And . . . Hey. St Patrick's Day still hasn't technically happened yet. I think that I know what your drink of the night is. Enjoy.

Future Spiders

New and fabulous in the world of arachnids? This thing. It's called the Sparklemuffin.

The colour scheme’s obviously gorgeous, but the name really makes me feel as though something’s making plans to make me like spiders more. I’ve never had a problem with their symbology, though. On a spiritual level, they’re fine. I just don’t want their physical manifestations around me.

I do like the fact that this specimen’s design closely matches that of the Spider-Man of 2099, who was created long before the discovery of this beast. But he is from the future . . . Maybe he looked back and found inspiration in an old biology text from some point in the next few decades.

I believe that I was first exposed to the futuristic superhero through a sticker I got out of some machine in a big toy store in childhood. The new Peter David series is pretty great, though. Incidentally, I just read that guy’s “Tigerheart” because I couldn’t find an electronic version of “Sir Apropos of Nothing”. Solid read.

Bonus Question!

Best muffin? I don't know. It's probably something with a lot of frosting.

Beautiful Bridges Beards

I just woke from this dream in which I was ostensibly listening to one of my own songs, but what was actually playing was the French pop hit “Bonnie and Clyde”. Listening to it, I could only think, “Wow. I really need to sing more clearly. I can’t even understand what I’m saying.”

On the subject of garbled vocals, I recently had the pleasure of watching a wonderfully coifed Jeff Bridges make some unique choices in his performance in “Seventh Son”. He’s played around with a variety of heavily stylised accents in recent years, but this one has to be the most bizarre. After ages of delivering lines in variations of The Dude’s iconic manner, I think that he’s just trying to get through the maximum number of voices before he’s done.

Bonus Question!

Best thing I noticed as I logged into my Squarespace account to post this? 

Jeff Bridges is actually featured in Squarespace's advertising, which met my eyes with some additional Bridges loveliness as I entered this very site.

Big Guns and Little Girls

I saw the new “Terminator” trailer at the cinema a few days ago.

There’s a franchise with some thematic focus on symmetry. You know? Time loops and that. What I was reminded of from this advertisement seemed to offer its own kind of symmetry.

You know that guy Cable? Temporally displaced avatar of Nineties comics? Big gun, cybernetic arm, and a matching eye? At the very least, those last aspects could easily be linked to the fact that he was created at the apex of “Terminator” popularity, and few would argue that Arnold’s implacable cyborg wasn’t some kind of influence on Cable’s conception. Rob Liefeld, his designer, wasn’t exactly shy about that sort of thing.

The character eventually grew beyond his relatively simplistic origins, and one of his most significant stories in recent years involved his adventures through time with a young girl he protected and trained to survive in apocalyptic conditions.

And now that seems to basically be what’s being done by Cable’s inspiration, the Terminator. Symmetry!

And the film that my viewing of this advertisement preceded was “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”. So. You know. Extra time travel stuff in that whole mix. And that was pretty good too.

Bonus Question!

Best time machine? A DeLorean inside a TARDIS with the Time Gem in the back seat. It's the turducken of time travel!

Jeffrey Dean Deadshot

I first fell into “Secret Six” a few years ago, and that wonderful Gail Simone series was almost definitely my strongest connection to the DC universe before the New 52. This happened to be during the same summer in which “The Losers” came out in theatres, which probably reinforced my fondness for the idea that Jeffrey Dean Morgan would make a great Deadshot if a film ever got made.

For his ostensibly heterosexual life mate, Catman, I might have gone for Owen Wilson, but that’s beside the point. Beside the point . . . In bed!

But I think that Gail Simone actually went on to say that that implication was part of the plan.

So. That’s alright.

At the time, I didn’t really have any concept about Deadshot’s most famous team, the Suicide Squad, a group to which the Six served as a sort of spiritual successor in some ways.

But now they’re getting a movie, and Will Smith is Deasdshot. That didn’t really seem like a bother, for the likelihood of getting the one guy you imagined in a role is pretty low anyway. Thus, Smith basically seemed to be on the level of everyone who’s not Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Whatever. I’ll probably like it. I think that the performance I want to see most in that film is Jared Leto in the Joker role. I’m not too familiar with that guy, but I’m curious about what his eccentric talent can bring to the character. He might also be the only other one in the cast I remember. Unless Oprah is actually being brought in to play Amanda Waller? Big, strong, black woman who gets ahead by sheer force of being what she is? Clearly.

But then I saw this poster.

It’s not a film I was ever going to see, but I’ll be damned even further if that doesn’t look like a good Floyd Lawton.

Bonus Question!

Who's Floyd Lawton? Oh. Right. He's Deadshot. I could have explained that. But that's what context's for!

Fraud and Fulgor

Take from me my thunder!

Rob me of my roar.

Strip me of my sinew

And lift away my lore.

Imitate my ire.

No sham will be the same.

Forgeries of fire

Shall fade against my flame.

None can match my mettle.

No fake could face my force.

Cries against my clamor

Are fated to be hoarse.

Dim before my candour,

Deception soon will show.

Frail affronts now falter,

And falseness falls below.

Between Galaxies Far and Near

Douglas Adams’s“Hitchhiker’s Guide” saga has always had a secure place in my heart since a childhood road trip during which my father insisted on putting on the original radio series in the car. When I first heard the idea, it sounded terrible. I think that I only really took notice of the first part of the title, inadvertently ignoring the more fantastical “Galaxy” aspect, which meant that I only expected to be distracted by some monotonous tourist handbook as I focused on Boba Fett’s continuing adventures in the “Star Wars” novels I was reading. Incidentally, those were probably my favourites in that line, but that’s irrelevant in all sorts of ways.

When the “Guide” started playing anyway, I was drawn in immediately, and subsequent years would bring additional enjoyment in the form of literary and cinematic adaptations.

When the “Artemis Fowl” guy came out with an extra book in the series with the blessing of the original author’s widow, aiming to end the story on the lighter note that Adams had considered before his demise, I was vaguely aware, but I didn’t give it much thought. However, I finally decided to give it a try a few days ago, and it was a solid read. On the whole, I probably derived more personal enjoyment from it than I did from the last two entries that Douglas penned, and I got more from its approach to mythological themes than I did from what Adams put forth in the Dirk Gently sequel. Sequels? If you count "The Salmon of Doubt". Whatever. That first Gently book and the early “Guide” works still hold a lofty space in my mind, but this new entry does a brilliant job of filling in that gap between those adored stories and the later, slightly less inspiring ones. None of this has been said with an eye towards objectivity or an appraisal of the latest novel’s worthiness of canonic status, but the pleasure I mention is pure, and that’s what felt meaningful in the moment.

Bonus Question!

Most doubtful salmon?

Loki. That guy's ability to work a salmon disguise was very dubious. He was much more convincing as a female horse, though. 

Pepper Again

For some reason, I don’t think that I’d actually seen a single episode of “Pepper Ann” since Toronto’s big summer blackout interrupted one I was watching a decade ago. Recently, I decided to give the show another try and start it from the beginning. I did so, and the first entry in the series turned out to be the one that had been prematurely halted by that distant summer’s electrical troubles. Resolution at last.

Bonus Question!

Best peppers? Red Hot Chili.

Belated Viewing

“The Interview” was something that had been looking good for a while, but I’d been feeling patient enough to await its delayed theatrical release without any certain knowledge of its arrival. But apparently it had already started playing without my knowledge at a nearby cinema I don’t frequent so often. In truth, I’m glad for this ignorance, for it would have otherwise replaced “Nightcrawler” in filling the cinematic drought I felt in the previous week, and I probably wouldn’t have gotten around to seeing that film at all.

But this week brought me to Rogen and Franco’s comedy, and it satisfied my expectations well. I will say that the movie made the dictator look somewhat more dashing than his counterpart in the real world. He carries himself with a robust handsomeness that almost seems to take from the tradition of Stalin. Nice bit of casting.

Bonus Question!

Most dashing dictator? 

Doom!

Blooming With Lou

I ran into another of those situations wherein the dearth of especially suitable films for me prompted a chance on one I probably would have missed otherwise.

I think that I might have initially thought that “Nightcrawler” had some basis in the story of Richard Ramirez or something during the first 17 seconds I saw of the advertisement whenever that happened, but there was a later point at which I did give the picture some consideration. I didn’t doubt its wit, but I thought that its execution could hew too closely to “American Psycho” for my liking. Instead, what I got was much closer to my first vague impression of “American Psycho”, which was based on nothing beyond a high school peer’s unique interpretation of Bateman’s climactic phone call to his lawyer. Quite separate from Christian Bale’s tearful catharsis, my acquaintance delivered the speech with a jaunty irreverence, which led me to imagine the film with a greater emphasis on madcap quirkiness. “Nightcrawler” actually seemed to deliver on that in its way. If Abed Nadir had to take the place of Patrick Bateman, the result would probably be something like this protagonist. Actually, the result would probably be something I’d watch by itself. What’s that guy doing now? Maybe that can be his next project if “Community” doesn’t manage to come back.

Bonus Question!

Patrick Bateman versus Patrick Star?

I feel as though Patrick's ability to breathe underwater would have its advantages.

Confused Justifications

For some reason, whenever I hear someone mention the movie “Labor Day”, I think of “Draft Day”. Generally, the image that comes to my mind is that of the poster. Usually, it’s one from a bus stop advertisement. I think that it’s the one on the south side of College at Yonge.

In its incidental way, this week brought information that almost does something to justify that confusion. In a way. Very small way. Almost. Not really. But . . . Still.

Apparently, Ivan Reitman directed one, and his son directed the other. I forget the specifics. I don't know whether the son directed the bus stop one or the other one. And I don't remember the son's name now. Such information is now gone from my mind. I did try to do a bit of further research, but all I remember from that is the fact that the films' respective lengths are within a minute of each other. I’m not sure that I’d even be able to argue that that does anything to bolster the meagre justification I posited for my confusion, but there it is.

And . . . You know. They basically came out in the same year. There’s that. But there always was.

Bonus Question!

Best cinematic day? I suppose that "Groundhog Day" is the standard choice, but I'm still holding out for a full production of "Leap Dave Williams".

Time at Least

Before the final ember tires

Within the hearth’s inviting fires,

There’s time at least for joyous feast

Among the songs of ageless choirs.

The sanctum of the season’s hollow

Wherein no sullen storm may follow

Allows at last a ripe repast

And lets the livened laughter wallow.

As darkling skies descend to glower

About the tips of tinsel bower,

Embrace the taste of wishes placed

Upon the fringe of festive hour.

Hobbitseseses

I just saw “The Hobbit”. Third one. Final one. Final? For now. Sure. Maybe it's a dubious sort of finality.

Anyway.

It’s the second one I’ve seen at that advanced frame rate. That was never particularly irksome, though it didn’t do much to earn my favour either. When I saw it in “Desolation of Smaug”, it was slightly reminiscent of a soap opera. The experience was slightly better in “Five Armies”. It was more like a play. The kind of play people would make if they didn’t have to worry about certain things . . . Things like . . . Well. You know. Reality. Reality would probably be one of the things about which these people would not have to worry in order to make such plays. That’s how they get made. Budgetary concerns might also be dispensed with, though one may suppose that those could fall under the broader category of reality anyway. In any case, I’d imagine that most plays are put on at a cost below that of the elven king’s cloak. It’s the type of thing that does a decent job of rising to the hyperbolic praise that modern fantasy authors often reserve for the raiment of the race.

The fact that the feel of the stage crept through in parts was somewhat resonant to me, for my elementary school’s drama department decided to base its annual production on “The Hobbit” when “Fellowship of the Ring” was first coming to theatres. My part was pretty small, but my friend gave a performance in the Gollum role that was splendid and entirely separate from that of the films. That’s probably most of what I remember.

I do appreciate the splitting of the book. I cherish some of these annual releases. Perhaps these Tolkien ones top that list. It builds in a kind of tradition. If I had to think of a salient point of excitement about the new “Star Wars” plan, that might be it. A new cinematic entry per year? I could slip into that quite easily. And it’s being moved to winter from the old spring schedule. Fill up that empty Tolkien slot.

Will that slot remain empty? Who can say? If the question of a “Silmarillion” adaptation had been posed two decades ago, all sorts of objections could have been effortlessly raised against it. Now, the most obvious one would probably point to the fact that Peter Jackson basically did a fair bit of the job within this trilogy already.

Well, there are rights issues too. Whatever. The silver screen shall bear more orcs eventually. It’ll be great.

Bonus Question!

Best cloak? Levitation.

Prophet of Israel Versus the 13th Disciple

I was somewhat excited for “Exodus: Gods and Kings”. Now, I don’t really see much in the way of movie commercials, which means that this excitement basically came from the title and a few posters in cinema lobbies. I noticed that it was coming out during this week, and that was when I discovered what it was actually about. I think that I’d envisioned some sort of mythological deal, but my interest waned when it turned out to be some Moses thing. That’s fine, but I’m just feeling inclined to stick to “Prince of Egypt” for that business. Along with everything else, it has Jeff Goldblum.

I think that I’ll go and see “Top Five” instead.

Bonus Question!

Best Five? Alive.